Leah,

Reflecting on whether I accept or tolerate my own words, thoughts, and actions is really deep. I suspect like everything else when you are not able to show love for others it reflects that you don’t show love for yourself. I know I tolerate my frightened behavior and I so deeply want to change the part of me that filled with fear and acts according to that fear. Accepting that unloving part of me seems impossible because I so deeply want to change that. So with that question in my heart I listened to the teaching on Acceptance and Tolerance again this morning. Gary’s example was Gandhi challenged the British policies, he did not just accept them as “there is nothing I can do” so they must be tolerated. Linda’s comment made me think of a person with for example cancer. Linda said acceptance does not mean sitting back and do nothing because you are just accepting this. So I think I see that tolerance is actually the “do nothing about it” position. When I tolerate I just want to sit back and suffer the perceived injustice and likely complain and hope the circumstance changes. I think where I have confused myself is seeing acceptance as not being able to want change. Saying “if you want to change this then you are not accepting this”. Gandhi taught the people to challenge their own fears that said they had to cooperate with the British. I see now that challenging leads to change but the change is in me. I feel a healing beginning in me this morning that will one day lead to my freedom and that feels so warm.

Doug

I have actively been working on tolerance and acceptance since the first week of December when my mother-in-law arrived to stay with us. Usually before she arrives, I prepare myself to tolerate her, thinking that is the best and most loving thing I can do. After watching the video, I realize that a frightened part of my personality judges her for the way she chooses to live her life. I have judged her for her food choices, the way she uses fear to discipline my kids, and so much more. I am very aware of the fp because I can feel extreme discomfort in my energy centers. The areas of solar plexus, my chest and throat. It feels like my stomach is turned upside down, I feel heaviness on my chest, and my throat is tight. Also, the thoughts that come with these feelings are so strong that I am very aware I have a fp active. I get so angry, my fp just wants her to do things my way so I can feel better. These moments have occurred too often and I started really working on not coming from fear and really “accepting” her, and just notice the judgment without reacting to it. Before watching the video I thought this was the most loving way to handle it. Now I realize I have been tolerating her because my heart was not open to her. I thought that as long as I didn’t say anything I was accepting her but really I was giving myself permission to sit back and judge her, and the resistance was still there.

Luz, I love how you describe Acceptance as being in flow with; gratitude of the moment and who is before me–as they are. Being in the moment and seeing with an open heart and Love within me. For a couple of days after the call on Tolerance vs Acceptance, I was able to apply my new found knowledge of what it meant to be accepting. I experienced tightness in my chest area and in my upper arms easing up as I began to experiment with being accepting of all as it was in the moment. In the past few days at work, I have had some very rewarding moments with some of the residents in dementia care with whom I work. I have been very grateful for the Love that has come back to me from them. Additionally, over the weekend, I met with fps in myself at times, when they were activated by a coworker and also a resident. I have been working to look at my intentions and I did my best in a moment with the coworker as I felt that I needed to communicate something with her. I also know that I want my best to be better the next time that those fps are activated. I felt fps activated for at least a couple of hours early Monday morning near to the end of my shift at work. I had a lot of pain in my chest and continued with my work all while the pain was there. A resident was also bringing my fps to my attention over and over through that time. I chose to read to her for a time, from a religious book that I knew would be meaningful to her. After that, I needed to redirect her twice, out of the rooms of her fellow residents, (of long term care). I chose to speak with her very patiently and directly both times, even though it is difficult to really know how much she is absorbing from my words. I was really surprised and encouraged when, on the second attempt, just as she came to the doorway while leaving a room, she suddenly turned to me and said “Thank you”, in a very clear manner, and then she reached out to me with her arms to embrace me. That was the second time in the weekend that I was rewarded with Love, and again, something encouraging happened last night.

Thank you so much for sharing your words about acceptance and giving me them to consider and to continue to work towards being truly accepting all of the time and with everyone.

Hi Sundar,

I am so glad that you have asked this question as it has brought me to listen again to the video on Acceptance and tolerance. I find this morning that it has been helpful for me to listen again, as there are things that I want to experiment with at my workplace such as being accepting even while not being in agreement with policies…the part in the video where Gary and Linda spoke about Martin Luther King Jr and Gandhi and what their inner stance was when they were able to be accepting of others and not judging, even while challenging policies.

In answer to your question, this is what I have found. The word that Gary used is “proselytize”, and I have looked in the dictionary for you. This word means, “convert someone from one religion, belief, or opinion to another”. It is my understanding then, that Gary is telling me that when I work to create authentic power in my life by cultivating love in my responses and by challenging my fps when they are active, so that eventually my personality becomes more loving and less fearful… then I am in a position where I can describe this manner of “being” to others, but I don’t need to try and “convert” them to believe it for themselves. If I can experience creating authentic power in my life, then I can describe it to others so that they might be able to “choose” this way for themselves and to experiment with this way in their own life if they choose to do this. But I do not have to “convert” them, such as if I were to try and “convert” someone to my way of “believing” something just because I “say” it is so, or because I believe it for myself.

I hope that this is of assistance to you, Sundar.

Love, Cindy

• This reply was modified 8 years, 3 months ago by Cindy.
• This reply was modified 8 years, 3 months ago by Cindy.
• This reply was modified 8 years, 3 months ago by Cindy.

Thank you all for your shares! They have all been so supportive to me. This topic of tolerance vs acceptance has been right on for me. I really appreciated the shares on how tolerating is doing nothing position, sit back, complain and hope the circumstances change. It has made me look deeper into myself and see people and circumstance that I tolerate and see how I can be more loving and accepting. Love Maritza