David and Rhea thank you both for sharing your experiences. I struggled with the exercise and it helped to have concrete examples which were so well articulated.

Some time has passed since both of your responses and I wanted to ask if you had any thoughts of intensions which play out in a different contexts…more along the lines of an unconscious dynamic that plays out in a particular situation? Please let me try to explain: I sometimes tend to put myself down, or say something silly, or worse feel unworthy on some level, I don’t put my best foot foward and this affects the depth of the relationship(s)… so if my intension was to win someones approval for example, how do you go about healing that part?

Does this make any sense? Thanks

Nette – I like your analogy ‘like seeds sprouting in Spring’. I think you are right, I am feeling much the same. It seems more and more people are looking at self-actualizing more than ever. I don’t know if this is true, statistically speaking, but it feels as though it is. How lucky are we, even though at times when we feel pain we may think otherwise, that we can explore and delve deeper into our true nature!

Hi guys – I usually think of two concept: non-judgement and non-resistance. If I feel superior or inferior I know I am not in the paradigm of those two principles. I also think, of two sayings I came across “but for the grace of god, say I” and “forgive them lord for they do not know what they do.” I’m not Christian but these sayings really work for me I hope they help.

Thank you Mary Beth for sharing. I too have tried expressing myself in a similar fashion. It really depends who you’re speaking too. Sometimes they may get offended and it just creates more unpleasant energy. I find it’s useful to excuse myself politely or if its written don’t acknowledge what is said (this is a dead giveaway if you do it enough times) and later without pointing to a specific event I might engage in a type of Socratic questioning in the hope to lead them to answer where they themselves come to the decision not gossip etc. It’s tricky, each person is different, and it might take some time before that window of change is open.
To confess too however, if they do persist, I tend to avoid them. For example, I have a very close male friend who introduced me to his x-girlfriend of 5 years – she too has become a close friend. I see them both individually often. When the three of us go out, my male friend puts her down and makes fun of her. It’s often subtle and done in joking manner but it’s not constructive – they are at her expense. For example, apart from him calling her by the nickname he created ‘bug’, he makes references to her looks, intellect and astuteness. I sometimes step up and say X come on you have gone too far, but don’t really know what else to do. Now, I feel I don’t want to see them both at the same time because I don’t want him to belittle her.

• This reply was modified 12 years, 7 months ago by Rashelness. Reason: Incomplete paragraph

Thank you Marilyn for expressing your difficulty in ascertaining your intentions, had you not raised it Christina may have not recommended potentially life changing books! Many thanks to you both. I look forward to reading those books and hope it will resolve my uncertainty/indecisiveness in relation to what my ‘purpose’ is.