Hi Carol Ann,

I posted this before but incorrect and it did not go though…just found out:

It is possible that I am caretaking to a degree. Thank you for pointing that out. I know that I have struggled with codependency and know I have having those kind of feelings in this relationship. I will be looking out for this in the future. Thank you!

Hi David and Carol Ann,

Thank you both for writing. It really feels good to be supported in moving in the direction of “feeling and healing” 🙂 Since I decided to continue with Susanne, I feel that I made the right decision. There are important things for me to learn here and it is exciting for me to move in the direction of opening to these feelings. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and giving your feedback.

Carol Ann, it is nice to hear from you again:) I really enjoyed spending time with you at the workshop. It was wonderful spending time your daughter Kristen too. I notice that you’re sharing, brings up a frightened part in me because I don’t like to think of myself as giving with attachment. I see myself as a person who loves to give and who is very generous with his time and resources. I have long however, desired equality in relationships in terms contributing. I see however that this is not always the case for me. When giving to people I am not in long-term relationships with, I can give without attachment. But when it comes to intimate relationships, if I see that I am putting considerably more energy in, after a period of time, I feel resentful. What is the healthiest way to respond to this?

Dear Gail and Pam,

Thank you so much for your responses. They were very helpful. Gail, your sharing:

“I am suggesting that the pain you are experiencing is triggering something much, much deeper inside of you…and is a message from your soul for you to be with and explore more deeply. Is it possible that a part of you that is based in fear might be trying to “figure things out” and also focusing on your friend, to keep you distracted from what you could be learning about yourself?”

was very helpful. I do feel this is a message from my soul. I go into such deep emotinoal pain when in intimate relationships and I know there is something for me to learn here. I let Susanne know today that I wanted to continue our relationship. She is giving me an opportunity here to look at something I need to look at as you said. I realize now that as long as there are things for me to learn about myself, there is still reason to stay in the relationship.

Pam, your sharing:

“Whenever I am conflicted I know a frightened part is active because I feel in my body the pain and constriction that come from processing energy from fear. I then look at my thoughts, such as the one a you expressed. – not being appreciated, not feeling cared for. What’s important for me to do then is look at the intentions of these thoughts. For me, it is to keep me dependent on things outside myself, thus keeping me limited in how I respond to opportunities for growth.”

was so helpful too! When you talk about the intentions of the thought of not being appreciated, I too know that they keep me dependant on things outside of myself.

Thank you both so much for your feedback! I feel so blessed to have your support:) Warmly, John