Right now, I am thinking about that song, “Turn! Turn! Turn! (to Everything There is a Season),” and the first verse, which is “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” That first verse reminds me of intention and how important it is that I understand what my intention is for doing anything in my life, such as taking on more responsibilities. I have challenged the fp for many years that didn’t know if it could assume more responsibilities, and I have learned and grown from challenging it. I’ve nurtured my humanitarian and care giving side; I’ve learned and grown by participating in spiritual programs and group activities; I’ve learned academically by getting my Master’s Degree—the list continues, and I assumed these responsibilities while working full time. But for every thing there is a season, and I see my season or intention as being one where I don’t have to prove anything to myself or anyone that I can take on more. I can assume many responsibilities and will continue to do so. I also want to take care of myself and get more than five hours of sleep each workday night; I want to “be” sometimes instead of “doing;” I want to have maybe just a few extra minutes each day to get in touch with my inner voice because it makes me feel grounded and helps me to know myself better; I also want to continue to grow spiritually and have time for creativity. These are my intentions, and I do not feel that taking on more and more is always the best way to challenge the feeling of being overwhelmed. Again, it depends on one’s intention and one’s season.

There was a woman that I worked with many years ago, and at the time, there was a lot of overtime work available in our office. This woman probably worked between 15-25 hours extra each week because she wanted to help support her husband and her daughter through college. Approximately five years after consistently working overtime, she developed cancer and died less than six months later. In observing what happened to her, I do not believe that her intention was to take care of herself; instead she was taking care of others and maybe trying to prove something to herself. I have empathy for this woman and see the lessons she taught me—and I am grateful for that.

I think considering being a part of the team experience triggered the frightened parts of me that wanted to care take and say I will participate because I thought others wanted me to. I also believe I was people pleasing. However, my intentions are clear to me now and I am grateful for the support I have received from the community board in becoming clear about what I need to do for myself.

Love,
Deb

Hi David,

My experience is that I usually tense up my body when I am in a frightened part and I usually feel like I can breathe more deeply and freely when I am in a loving part of my personality. I will look at this again to see if maybe my breathing and release of tension is really a frightened part disguised as a loving part. Thanks for the suggestion.

I have been sitting with this situation and looking at my feelings and thoughts of being having too much to do. I also have been focusing on what Pam and Gail wrote regarding when they think that anything outside of themselves are responsible for what happens in their lives and/or they blame some one or some thing outside of themselves for how they are choosing to react/feel and that it could be a fp that is active that wants them to believe they are powerless and a victim. It has been helpful for me to think about this and also what Pam said about events in one’s life being triggers to help heal fps. Gary and Linda have talked all about this before, and I always understood what they meant, but haven’t been really applying this concept to my current experience. So, I’m grateful for the reminder and support.

The anticipation and preparation regarding being a part of this group or team experience has been a trigger for me to challenge fps that need healing. I am going to be with my thoughts and feelings about this experience and take a look at it.

Love,
Deb

When the opportunity presented itself to take my neighbor’s rabbit, I had several other pets, but made the choice to take the rabbit. I remember thinking to myself that this would “put me over the edge,” that I would have too much to do, but I decided that it was the responsible choice that I wanted to make. I do not have any regrets that I made this choice, however, this choice has helped me to see that I have a fp that feels like it doesn’t have time for myself, so this choice does, in fact, help me to challenge that fp. I don’t feel powerless or like a victim as I clearly know that I am responsible for the choice I made. In fact, this summer my rabbit was diagnosed with a tumor in his cheek and the vet more or less told me that the tumor was inoperable and to expect him to only to live a few more months. However, a couple of months after she told me that, she looked at his tumor again and told me she thought she could remove it without causing too much hardship. The end result was that she successfully removed it. I could have said no to the surgery and then I would no longer have any pets to care for, but I was given the opportunity to again challenge this fp that feels like I do not have time for myself. I love my bunny rabbit; he is wonderful and adorabloe, and he has taught me so much about myself and has really helped me.

Gail, Pam and Rosalind, I can feel your love and support from your postings, and I am truly grateful.

I do feel that the group has caused me to feel overwhelmed; I wrote that the group or team experience has caused me to feel overwhelmed. By that I mean the experience of having to be on calls and to have to post on the community board and whatever else is coming. I am happy to support when I am at the retreat, but did not realize that there would be more responsibilities involved in being part of the Logistics Team. I do not feel powerless because I know that I do not have to support and be part of this group or team experience. Therefore, I am going to make another responsible choice and withdraw myself from being part of the Logistics Team. When I made this decision recently, I could feel in my body that I could breathe more easily again, which is an experience that I have had in the past when I have made a responsible choice for myself.

Just to be clear, I am happy to assist at the retreat if the Institute still wants my help, but I am withdrawing from any more responsibilities.

Love,
Deb

Hi Pam — The “it” is the team or group experience; I feel that the team or group experience is causing me to feel overwhelmed. I have much to do and am feeling overwhelmed and I truly feel that it can be a loving part of me that is trying to tell me that I am taking on too much. Last night, I only got five hours of sleep again, and part of that reason is because I stayed up late and wrote on the community board. I was very tired at the end of the day at work because of lack of sleep. I believe my body is trying to tell me I need to rest more and maybe my thoughts are coming from a loving part of me that is telling me not to take on anymore than I have on my plate already.

Hi Lori:

I had an experience where I felt compassion for someone and rather than start a new topic, I felt it fitting to add it to your post. I can really see your commitment to learning more about yourself while you experience your mother living with you and your immediate family.

I want to share my feelings of compassion for a co-worker, so my post is as follows:

I recently attended a wedding and reception and the plan was to meet two other women from my office so that we could “hang out” together because the three of us had decided to each go solo to the event. I was in contact with them on my way to the event and met them in the lobby and we sat by each other at the wedding. I didn’t get a chance to spend any time with them during the cocktail hour because I was talking to other guests, but we knew that we were assigned to the same table for dinner. I walked to dinner with one of the women, Katie, and we sat down together. Katie chose not to sit next to a woman who was already seated at our table, so I sat between them. As I introduced myself and talked to the other woman, another woman from our office switched places with her husband, so the seat next to her was available, and Katie decided to go and sit next to her. (Her name is Jane.) When I noticed that Katie had moved, my frightened part that is afraid of rejection appeared. I started to become familiar with this frightened part a few years ago, so I’m glad I could see it, but it still wasn’t easy to experience it. I made a conscious choice to enjoy myself at dinner, but I do know that from time to time I did indulge the frightened part of me that felt sorry for myself. I decided to observe Katie and Jane and noticed that they said about three sentences to each other during the entire dinner.

After dinner, the reception began and several of us from the office, including Katie and Jane, sat at a table and watched people dance. After awhile, I decided to leave and as I was leaving, Katie said to me that she was glad that I came. I was a little confused by her remark because I felt that what she said was something more fitting for the bride and groom to say to me. I did tell her that I was glad that I came to the event, too.

The next day, I felt the pain of rejection again and thought about what happened. I then remembered that Katie doesn’t get along easily with others. In fact, she was upset with someone whom she sat next to at the office for approximately 10 years and did not talk to that person for about 8 of those 10 years. Just recently, someone was supposed to move to our floor and this person was supposed to sit next to her; however, that person sought approval to not have to sit next to Katie. My intuition also told me that Katie didn’t sit next to the new woman at the reception because her frightened part did not want her to meet and talk to someone whom she didn’t know. I recalled that Katie had frightened parts when dealing with others and began to realize that she most likely sat next to Jane because she felt knew her better and most likely felt more comfortable with her, and she would then not have to challenge a frightened part if she sat next to Jane.

At that point, I had compassion for Katie. I also released the distance I felt from her and decided that when I saw her at work that my compassion for her would continue. It’s been a couple of weeks since the wedding and reception and I still am not feeling any distance from Katie and feel good that I followed the Authentic Power Guidelines to the best of my ability when dealing with this life experience.

Hi Pam: Your sharing about karma resonated with me because karma has always had a huge impact on me. I have been going through a lot of life changes the past several years and even though I strive to use the tools that the Spiritual Partnership Guidelines provide, I know that I can be more diligent about being present and emotionally aware. Last night I was thinking about how recently, I have been feeling distant from my co-workers and that perhaps it was because I have been less present at work. My next thought was that my parents oftentimes were not present and emotionally aware when they were with me. I then realized that to strive to be consistently emotionally aware and present with others can only help me to create the karma of being with others who strive to be the same way. Karma has provided me with great incentive to be more committed to my spiritual growth and to pay more attention to my thoughts and emotions. Love, Deb

Eric:

Thanks for your sharing. Our connecting on this forum has caused me to look more closely at my fear of intimacy and I realize now that I haven’t been focusing on it as much as I usually do because other FPs seem to be holding my attention lately. I’ve been challenging and working on fears associated with living with my ex-husband, trying to sell our house, working to figure out what to do with the feral and stray cats I currently feed and caregive, dealing with sad feelings over a past relationship with a man that I still love, connecting with my siblings because my mother now needs to be in an assisted living situation, dealing with vanity issues because I feel as though I was just given a bunch of facial wrinkles, etc.

I am going to go out for a drink (a non-alcoholic one) on Wednesday night with a female friend whom I am slowly getting to know better. We probably have worked at the same firm for approximately 25 years together, and I do remember that after she and I went for a walk together once during a lunch hour about 15 years ago, I felt rejected by her because it didn’t seem as though she was interested in going for a walk again together after that. And, in fact, we never did go for another walk again, although we were still friendly with each other and talked from time to time. Here it is about 10 years later, and we are connecting again and have probably gone out for about ½ dozen lunches together in the past year and one after-work party together. Do I have some FPs about going out for a drink with her, especially since I won’t be drinking and because of our past experience together? I would have to answer, “yes,” but upon reflection, I’m not sure if I’m less frightened because I’ve been trying to challenge this frightened part for awhile now, or because lately I have been feeling more accepting of myself, or because I am feeling that right now I have other more important things to worry about, so don’t worry about being rejected by this other personality. Maybe it doesn’t matter why and right now as I write this, I’m feeling that I’m a loving and good person, and I can only do the best I can and try to come from a loving place when I am with her. I will have to remember to be more emotionally aware and scan when I’m with her.

I’ve been very busy for many years now and know that I will be less busy when I move. I’m looking forward to it because I do want to focus more on myself and believe then that my fear of intimacy will become more of a focus. (Plus I may start getting more than 5 to 6 hours of sleep each weeknight!) I continue to try to challenge this FP by connecting with friends/spiritual partners via phone and e-mail – even when I’m busy and don’t know if I can reply to another e-mail or plan and be on another phone call. I feel that I do have friends and spiritual partners whom I am intimately involved with – who know me and know a lot of details about things that have been happening with me, and I am grateful for those connections. I feel their support and love. I do not feel it is challenging for me to discuss my fear of intimacy on this forum because even though some people have and do go “deeper” with their feelings on this forum, how many can say that they feel like they have established an intimate relationship with anyone via this forum? I was offering the e-mail connection because I feel for someone to really know me, it is helpful to connect and share more details than what is typically shared on this forum and to share more than just about one FP.

I really appreciate your sharing. It give me perspective on my FP and helps me to see that many times I can effectively challenge this FP and sometimes – depending upon the situation – big fears can surface again. For example, although I do experience a lot of intimacy via writing (e-mails) and talking, I am not physically with many people and do not do many things with them. That is something I hope to experience more once I am on my own. I know it will be a challenge for me.

Love,
Deb