Topic: Support in shifting my intention | Life School

“Each emotion is a signal from your soul. When you ignore or repress emotions, you lose important information.”

– Gary Zukav

Intention

Topic: Support in shifting my intention - Stephanie Started 10 years, 10 months ago

Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)


	Stephanie Posted 11 years ago	Hello Everyone, After that amazing call today, i unearthed an intention which has created excruciating pain for me: through my 10 years of my marriage and even now(even more now) I found that my intention has been to be seen, heard, understood, to be right. I always wanted connection, but what i found from this deeper intention was that I created more and more distance, until i was left with a grand canyon sized chasm. To give up being right feels like death to me. I want to shift my intention with my husband to see, hear, understand him and create harmony. See him in this moment, hear him and understand him exactly as he is and not try to convince him to be who i want him to be, or to see me and understand me. To sit and listen to him tell me that our relationship was harmful and now he is so happy with someone who gives to him, to listen to him as he tells me that I have a lot of work to do on myself and will never be happy, and not take that in personally, feel the jealousy, the need to defend or indulge and believe in my worthlessness, or his, feels like the annihilation of my very self. the pain is excruciating; i feel utterly worthless and don’t deserve to be alive. i want to intend to meet him where he is. growing up, being right was more important that anything else. No one believed me. i had to shout, fight, defend to be seen, heard. (was never understood). I would love support in how i can intend harmony, love, understanding, and listening when we rarely have contact and it is only over text to discuss the kids. is the most respectful thing/loving thing to simply intend and send loving, understanding thoughts? i would also love support in having the courage and stamina to stay with myself as i challenge this frightened part which, ironically, is terrified of losing him if i don’t defend/convince, even though the intention to be right has already created the very thing i feared most.
	Stephanie Posted 11 years ago
	Berta Posted 11 years ago	Stephanie, this is a wonderful realization and remember to also look at your courage as a “Loving Part.” I don’t want to get into “advice mode” but to help you keep challenging your FP’s. Where do you feel the FP’s in your body? What are the obsessive thoughts? Can you invite your husband to talk beyond texting to provide opportunities to be spiritual partners and challenge the FP to “always be right.” Can you practice challenging this FP with everyone you come into contact with daily even if you can’t with your husband? Are you attached to any outcomes because of the fear of losing him or can you commit yourself to challenge your FP’s regardless of the outcome. Remember to ask the universe for intuition about which “loving parts” can challenge your FP’s. Much Love, Berta
	Berta Posted 11 years ago
	Stephanie Posted 11 years ago	Thank you Berta. I don’t think I can talk to him, he is very much wanting a divorce and doesn’t want to be with me. He is in love with someone else. But I’ve been in contemplation all day, and found at the end of the day, the only answer is to be vulnerable and true and give with my whole heart with no hope of return on investment. I have been so afraid to let go. I now see that is the only thing I can do. Love him by letting go. And intending loving thoughts and feel the total grief of asking for love from someone who is not able to give it(just to prove my unlovableness). I did some great writing today. I found that I am only hurt and resentful by his comments because I owned them as true about me. I re-wrote the responses I would have given had I been present/conscious/coming from my loving parts and it was very freeing. I didn’t have to defend or take them on. Only listen, hear, and be curious to learn more. I am grateful. He is my teacher. Yes, husband, you are right! I have a lot of work to do on myself. I intend to work on myself for the rest of my life!! And, I am SO proud of how far I’ve come:)
	Stephanie Posted 11 years ago
	Stephanie Posted 11 years ago	I want to also add that another FP that comes up is the need to please him. I have been playing out another story as long as I’ve been with him, and that is, if I change, if I get better, then he will get better and we will get better. I have been dedicated to my spiritual growth throughout our marriage, and have never gotten validation/acknowledgment for that, only criticism. I guess my thought on this is that I can only change for me and be satisfied with my own growth, not look to the outside for validation.
	Stephanie Posted 11 years ago
	Berta Posted 11 years ago	Stephanie, it is wonderful how committed you are to challenging your FP’s. You mentioned you are proud of the work you’ve done so far (that is a loving part) – make sure to recognize your loving parts to help you challenge and cope with the FP’s. I agree that your husband has been your teacher even though your interactions with him have been painful. Do you think that him not validating all of your spiritual growth can give you a opportunity to validate yourself instead of waiting for someone else’s validation. What triggers the feelings of being unlovable? What loving part can challenge that FP? Also, what FP is triggering the “wanting to please?” What emotions and sensations are you feeling in your body as you continue to challenge your FP’s? Courageous work Stephanie! Much Love, Berta
	Berta Posted 11 years ago

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