I very much appreciated the APLC call today…about stretching myself. I recently had an opportunity to support a spiriutal partner, but I knew in doing so, I would be sharing about myself very personally. The loving parts of my personality knew exactly what I wanted to share. I sat with my response before sending my it (email)…and initially felt very good about it. 24 hours later, frightened parts became very active….and started judging me about what I had shared and how I “crossed the line”…..by sharing “too much information about myself”. The stretch for me has been to stay with the pain of self judgment as I challenge frightened parts that are relentless in their attempt…their need to make me “wrong”….and not go into agreement, which is very familar. My loving parts know it is not about being “right” or “wrong” when supporting others….it’s about my intention to support, sharing from my heart…and letting go of the outcome….and oh,….ya……Enjoy Myself! I appreciate this opportunity to strech myself again, by sharing. Much Love, Gail

I have a lot of things I can do in my life to stretch myself. In the immediate short-term I think my biggest stretch will be to challenge the frightened part of my personality that needs approval from other people. This frightened part often causes me to be silent or choose my words very carefully. When I imagine I say something that is ‘wrong’ or disappointing to others in some way, often I am unable to relax until that frightened part is satisfied that everything is OK, and that people have either forgotten about what I did or said, or have let it go and forgiven me. I then may try to distract myself to keep from feeling those emotions. Needless to say, it is not a pleasant experience to allow others to have that control over my peace. I decided to challenge that frightened part today when I chose not to follow up an email I sent to someone and explain what I said. I am not sure what they think about what I said or what they may think about me. My frightened parts don’t like that kind of ambiguity, but I am choosing to feel it when it comes up and release attachment to the outcome, to know that I am lovable and to release any distance I have.

~David

I just hit submit when I intended it hit back space. ha! It resulted in me posting before I planned. My FP that is a perfectionist would not have posted until double checking all kinds of things like spelling and clarity of writing, etc. made me laugh after initial feeling of “oh no!”

thank you, Jen your postings are encouraging for me. how do i say what i am feeling and do it with some clarity? that is the biggest stumbler or frightened part of my personality that keeps me from stretching. well maybe? after typing that sentence it feels as though there is a dozen more fps jumping forward to be in first place. my understanding from listening to and participating in the call saturday is that any attempt to post here is a stretch. i suppose there is an element of truth in that. if the pain is stimulent that brings my attention to the fp then this posting sure is working well. the thoughts of what everyone will think-being judged-and having to defend what i post has the throat on fire and the ears pounding. so be it! looking at the pain in my life and being grateful for its message and its signal that i need to stretch and find a different way to think and feel is not a new concept, its in all of Gary and Linda’s books and actually comes from many of the authors now a days, but after listening to Linda’s story about her party fears in which i sooooooooo connected i am beginning to understand the importance of sharing and listening. actually it was difficult for my fps to listen to her. they kept wanting her to get on with it and judging and being impatience with all the articulation. i had to consciously make myself stay present and listen from a loving space. i could feel the struggle and pain of unworthiness and judgement coming my way. having listened and felt the pain though Linda’s sharing i now beginning to understand the importance of sharing. it helps deepens my understanding of equality. blessings, Regina

Yesterday’s call supported me with seeing a FP of my personality more clearly. When Gary was sharing about the FP’s of his personality that felt “worthy of admiration;” his words shot through me like an arrow. I was supported in seeing my FP that feels unworthy of admiration. In that moment I could see all the ways I indulge feeling unworthy of admiration in my life, by keeping small, having dreams and desires but holding them back saying I will do it “someday”; keeping my love a “secret,” trying not to be noticed or admired. If I feel I have been admired my FP pattern is to minimize what someone is saying, reflect back on them and how amazing they are, feel shame and guilt, feel threatened somehow. The FP that if I am noticed I am somehow in danger. The fear of being hurt or killed if I stand out or am recognized. I feel this as extreme tension and tightness over my entire back, urgent sense of having to urinate in my second energy center…all familiar sensations of my FP of powerlessness….tension in my solar plexus. The last few months I have been challenging these FP’s of my personality by stretching myself to create an 8 week program for divorced couples co-parenting children that I am starting Nov. 20. The call yesterday supported me with seeing all of this that much clearer so I can heal it. Now my heart feels tight at the center and my jaw is tense. The intention of the FP is for me to indulge feeling so out of control and powerless that I am paralyzed and do nothing. My intention is to heal this pain so it loses control over me and I can clearly and lovingly cultivate the loving parts of my personality.
Love,
Kristen Richardson

Regina writes how she is “now beginning to understand the importance of sharing. it helps deepens [her] understanding of equality.” Thank you for this profound insight, Regina, which discloses the real value of our sharing on this forum.
It’s so very challenging for frightened parts of my personality to post here, because I have many thoughts going through my head at any given moment and I often feel that I have worked on an issue without having to articulate it fully. Articulating clearly, with awareness, what is happening in my life is a huge challenge to fps that would rather remain invisible and silent. Actually, I think they really are lazy, so I must stir them up to the surface with my courage and get them down into words. That is already a big stretch for me every time when I don’t feel like communicating spontaneously – my fps convince me that I don’t want to be spontaneous, loving, present among you all, and sharing.
So, right now, the biggest stretch for me is to post here.
Having said that, my fps have moved to the side and cleared the space so I can post.
One among many other stretches concerns my relation with my husband, whom I dearly love when neither of us is under the control of fps—I say “neither” of us because when he is in a reaction I often react as well. I am resolving now to step outside my fps in his presence in order to be present with my loving parts – attentive, patient, receptive, appreciative, and communicative, seeing the beauty of his soul and of his intention toward me, toward us together. And, if he is under the control of a fp that prevents him from seeing the beauty of our relationship, my option is to choose to follow the loving parts of my personality rather than timidly allow my strong fps take over and react to him.
Today, for the second time since it was released I watched my recording of Oprah’s interview of Thich Nhat Hanh, and this time I watched it with my partner, who resisted at first. Fps in me strongly wanted to oblige him to sit through this show with me, they were impatient of him and his reticence, but then I challenged them as I felt them, releasing attachment to my desire that he participate in this experience with me. Finally, everything turned out beautifully. In the end my partner did watch the whole interview and he appreciated it. Since then, he has several times told me “I’m glad you are here,” interpreting something that Thich Nhat Hanh said. My response is that I am glad he’s here. And thus, through mindfulness and the ability to appreciate the human being before each one of us, we establish a loving connection.
I have learned that if I stay in a loving space, without will to change my partner, without desire to have him be like me, without desire that he have the same interests as mine at the same time as I feel them, then we stand a chance of enjoying a truly loving relationship. I know my desires come from fps that want to control him and indeed everything in my life instead of appreciating what is right before me, ready to be recognized and cherished. I can do this with any of our 4 cat companions, so why not with a human!
Stretching feels so good. In gym terms, it’s actually the reward that comes after hard work and that supports the muscles in relaxing all tension. What a fortunate term!
Much love to all, and gratitude for everything you have posted over the past days, which I find very supportive,
Catherine