I appreicated the JSC call last Saturday and wanted to share a significant experience when I left the retreat. I drove to the event, and my original plan on my return home, was to spend one night in Ashland, Oregon, and then drive home to California. I ended up staying in Ashland 3 days, going home on the 4th day. That was a new experience to me. Frightened parts of my personality kept “thinking” that I “should” get home soon, so I could “take care of myself”. I knew those. thoughts came from fear, as I had purposely not scheduled anything on my calander for a few days after the retreat. In the past, it has been familar for me to return home and get right back into what is familair and not take time to fully integreate what I had been learning about myself. It was a very gratifying experience….(and at times challenging) to allow each day to unfold… w/ o haveing something planned or an appointment scheduled or eventually engaging in some type of drama. This time away supported me in integrating what I was learning at the retreat and my heart felt open.

On my way home, I received a phone call about an experience in our family that in the past, I might have felt compelled to engage in or try to care take or “fix” the situation. I had such clarity and knew that I did not need to engage in the same way…that I could send love to those involved and not take responsiblity for something that was not for me to engage in … I felt lighter in my body and my chest and throat felt open. It has been and continues to be an amazing experience for me to do my best to trust, relax (let go of the outcome) and enjoy myself.

I have been experiencing a lot of late and it has felt quite special for me (and extremely difficult). I feel that I want to share.

Gary often refers to the ‘dramatic shift in human consciousness’ that we are undertaking. I feel a tremendous power over my experience of my sexual addiction that I have never felt before. Years upon years of frustration and anxiety. However, of late I have been feeling a real openness towards others. I can only describe it as the feeling that I am learning to live from my heart. And that to me is the dramatic shift. It is my shift; down from my head to my heart. And my years of frustration have been as a result of how tremendously difficult that shift is. I always knew in my head what was the more optimal way to live but I lacked the strength to do so. The purpose of The Seat of the Soul was to open my heart. And when I read it that is what it did. However, once I closed the book so to did my heart but leaving a very small trace of Light. A Light that I knew I needed and wanted to expand. I am becoming truly enlightened; I have in me more Light than I ever had before. And this is the Light that will help shine the way to more empowered choices; better life; an authentic life.

It’s interesting because I always had one main cost to holding on to my sexual addiction. It was the very deep intuitive knowledge that it was impossible to maintain the addiction and fulfill my life’s purpose. It was something I had always carried with me even as a young man. Knowing that I could not have one with the other. I think it relates to how in quantum physics knowing precisely the position of or momentum of a sub-atomic particle means you know nothing of the other. You can have all the info. on one but by doing so means you have no info. on the other. Maybe I am now getting closer to uncovering what my sacred contract is. That has been my deepest dream and the frustration of it has caused me my most significant pain.

thanks for listening.

with much love.

Eric