Intention
Topic: Second Agendas - David Started 11 years, 8 months ago
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Posted 12 years ago
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I wanted to share something I learned about myself and my second agendas. A few days ago, I went to a conference where they were hosting several motivational speakers that I admire. One of the speakers I have been wanting to meet for about 10 years. The speaker has inspired me for many reasons, including encouraging people to try new things even as we get older, like learning to paint. I have recently started to paint and felt gratitude and appreciation towards the speaker. I bought a copy of one of the speaker’s paintings and was excited to get it autographed. As I finally got to the front of the line, instead of expressing my appreciation or saying thank you, I just said, “I recently started learning to paint!” The speaker barely looked up at me and said, “Well, good for you.” and then quietly went on to sign the next person’s autograph. I immediately had thoughts of extreme disappointment and being unappreciated and felt a pain as if someone had just hit me in the stomach. A familiar frightened part of my personality that wants to be appreciated was triggered because it didn’t get what it wanted. It wanted clear eye contact, a big smile and a genuine “that’s awesome!” from the speaker. I had a second agenda. I thought I was coming from a loving part of my personality that wanted to express gratitude and appreciation towards the speaker, but my real intention was to satisfy a frightened part of my personality that wanted admiration from the speaker. I wonder how much my experience would have changed if I had chosen to express appreciation with no attachment? Although this was a very painful experience for me, it also provided me with a clear insight into things I need to heal. I am going to continue to watching for both the frightened parts of my personality that needs to be admired and watch for my second agendas. With Love, David |
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Posted 12 years ago
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Hi David, Up until the moment I read your post, my frightened parts have kind of been harboring some resentment against the author – thinking he wasn’t very nice. I wonder how I would feel if I had acknowledged my FP’s, used my courage to ask him to date my book and share with him my anticipation to read his book and how much I loved the reading. So thank you for opening my eyes to what was really going on with me. AND thank you to him for being a true spiritual partner for me. Despite all this I am loving the book ; ) Rhea |
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Posted 11 years ago
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David and Rhea thank you both for sharing your experiences. I struggled with the exercise and it helped to have concrete examples which were so well articulated. Some time has passed since both of your responses and I wanted to ask if you had any thoughts of intensions which play out in a different contexts…more along the lines of an unconscious dynamic that plays out in a particular situation? Please let me try to explain: I sometimes tend to put myself down, or say something silly, or worse feel unworthy on some level, I don’t put my best foot foward and this affects the depth of the relationship(s)… so if my intension was to win someones approval for example, how do you go about healing that part? Does this make any sense? Thanks |
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Posted 11 years ago
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Hi Rashelness, Thank you for your question. Every time I challenge a frightened part of my personality, it has less control over me, even though it still may be very painful. That is how I heal them, one choice at a time. But first, I have to become aware of the frightened parts in order for me to challenge them. I can become aware of them by noticing if I have pain in my body or have thoughts that are not loving. When I have that awareness, then I can ask the question, what is really my intention here? Then I choose. Sometimes it is as simple as choosing something different than what I habitually choose. I had an experience recently where I was finishing up at end of a long work day. Just as I was about to leave, I saw an email from my boss that there was a problem that needed attention. I started to habitually reply that I was ‘on it’ and would try to have it resolved that evening, but I decided to go within and feel. When I checked in with myself, I realized that my intention for wanting to work late that day was not out of my desire to serve my customer, it was because I had a frightened part of my personality that wanted his approval. After I realized this, I checked in again and realized that this could wait and the healthiest thing for me to do was to wait until the next day and address the issue. I have had many many opportunities like that, some very painful since that day. But I have been doing my best to consistently challenge each one of them It sounds like you have already noticed some of your second agendas from your reactions. Have you been able to notice your emotions in your body when you get the urge to say something silly to someone? |
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Posted 11 years ago
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Hi Rashelness, When you talked about”intentions…that play out in an unconscious dynamic”, I had another “aha” moment! In the past that’s how my fp’s controlled my life. Keeping me unconscious of how my actions create more pain. Re-acting over and over again, because of the fear they generated for me. I think that all my fp’s want me to feel unworthy! But creating Authentic Power has allowed me to live my life consciously with the intention to create from love, and heal my pain. Do you have a copy of the Spiritual Partnership Guidelines? I believe you can print one out on the seatofthesoul.com website. Living the life I took birth for does indeed take a lot of courage. But the reward of giving and receiving love in my life, is precious beyond words. Be gentle with yourself. We are all here to grow and learn and heal. We’re all students in the earth school! Hope to meet you at the Journey this summer. Blessings, Pam |
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