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Topic: Seat of the Soul – Chapter 10 – Addiction – pg. 158 - Started 12 years ago

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Anonymous
Posted 12 years ago

Hi,

I would be interested to hear how you would describe or explain the term ‘inadequacies’ as written by Gary in the following passage found in his chapter on addiction. It reads:

“Until you fill in the inadequacies within you, you will always have your addiction. In order to release your addiction, it is necessary to enter your inadequacies, to recognize that they are real, and to bring them into the light of consciousness to heal.”

This passage follows him mentioning that knowing intellectually the dynamics behind an addiction will not be sufficient to release the addiction. And that if the addiction persists it is because at a deeper level the person does not really want to release it. He then writes the passage I included above and continues on to write that the addiction results from an inadequacy and the ultimate question is how one chooses to respond to that inadequacy.

I often struggle coming to terms with what my inadequacy is. I am curious to learn how people here would describe inadequacy. The intent of my question is to help point me towards me on.

with love,
Eric
LORI SHARP
Posted 12 years ago

Hi Eric,
Good question. For me, I would relate it to my sexual addiction. I don’t cheat sexually on my husband. It is more of an energy that I am talking about. I have found a frightened part of my personality that loves attention from other people. I love the excitement of someone being interested in me and in a way letting me know that I am good enough. It is a way for me to feel good and takes my focus away from the pain of powerlessness. My inadequacy (frightened part) doesn’t feel good enough so it looks outside myself for validation. When I stop to feel what lies beneath the initial “high” from the interaction, I can begin to feel the pain I am trying to cover up. I would love to continue this conversation with you or anyone else interested.
Love
Lori

Anonymous
Posted 12 years ago

Hi Lori,

Thanks for the reply. For some reason I never equated inadequacy with frightened part. For me my most deeply entrenched frightened part is that of not being worth loving. That is the pain that is most deep within. As a result, anyone susceptible to me from a sexual point of view covers that pain instantly. It has been a brutal process to let go of the temporary relief from sex and expose the pain.

I guess the only process is to try as best I can to decide at the point of choice to experience my pain and chose not to act out sexually regardless. And with even more practice acting out sexually will become the more painful option.

thanks,
Eric
Joanne
Posted 12 years ago

Hi Eric,

I think that when Gary is talking about inadequacy he as Lori points out is talking about fear (frightened parts). For me when I am aware I have a frightened part active I will observe my thoughts, listen to my body and think about what I will create if I act on that frightened part. Do I want to choose to act in the same way knowing what I will create for myself, or do I want to experiment in creating differently and see how that feels. The more I experiment with healthy choices the more the frightened part looses its power over me. What I find exciting is to look at the choices I make (from fear or love) as an experiment and see what happens and learn from them.

Gail
Posted 12 years ago

To me inadequacies are frightened parts of my personality (feel painful in my body)that I am either aware of, and choose to indulge them, or that are so familar, I do not recognize them as frightned parts of my persoanlity…they seem “normal”. For example, I denied for years that I was addicted to alcohol because I very rarely drank to excess when I did drink, which was frequently. A spiritual partner suggested that I experiment and stop drinking alcohol for a while and see what happens. Frightened parts of my personality felt this was a little “extreme”, and I felt such pain..resistance (fear)in my body…and I chose to stop drinking, as an experiment. When I stopped drinking is when I began to feel and uncover the frightened parts of my personality (inadequacies) that were driving the need to drink in the first place. I’m so grateful I made that choice.

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