I have a lot of fear which comes up in myself when confrontation arises between myself and individuals who are expressing rage in a very outward way. Earlier this morning, here in Kansas, it came to me that these folks could be responding, (perhaps sometimes on a deeper level within themselves), to what is in me that I need to look at and work to challenge by way of what are truly choices from Love. It is the Universe calling my need for great attention to areas in which i must be most resistant to even recognizing, and so I do not even have any idea that there needs to be change within myself in certain areas. (I know they have to do with my heart)
These experiences come to my external “sight” as being totally unreasonable and I perceive the individuals as being very mean and difficult of nature. The accusations which they bring forth seem to be completely false and it brings up frustration in me and fear for my security in various ways, depending on the situation in which we are involved together.
I have recognized in the past several months that this type of people and situations are going to continue to be a part of my life’s landscape because I need to learn to access my courage and learn how to put it to work in my life continually. I am beginning to be in touch with myself more openly and so am beginning to see that these offerings from the Universe by way of others in my life are SO needful of my attention that that is why it comes to me as to activate my fear and frustration in a strong way.
The best response that I feel now that is appropriate on my part is to open completely to the Universe and say, “WHAT is all that I need to SEE, (become aware of), that I am so CLOSED to in myself that it must be brought to my attention with this kind of force??
I can believe and recognize all day long that the other person is wrong in such and such manner and etc., but the way in which change in the situation will truly come forth for my experience is when I recognize truly what my involvement, or lack of, is, and then to begin to address THIS. Then, the Universe will respond and even if the other person should remain resistant to opening in their own life to what is being offered to them by the Universe, whatever comes, I can trust, truly, the Univers e in my own life and with regard to the future thereof. Trial and error; trial and success, when learning to truly choose a loving response while trying to challenge my fear in the moment it is activated, will assist me to really learn the difference between what my intentions are, because I don’t know that I really know the difference between fear and truly what is Love in myself.
In my work with the elderly in long-term care, I have tried to discover what I may be doing wrong. I looked and was really doing a terrific job, so it was confusing for me to realize what needed my attention as to change. It is a much deeper work which really needs to be addressed in myself. I am standing at sort of the edge of some very deep waters and have much to really discover about my TRUE self and my hidden unconscious self and what that one is really up to in my life. I should say, for clarity, my frightened parts which remain hidden to me when I am unconscious and do not realize what “THEY” are truly doing in my life.
I often have wondered why I have to “put up with” people when they appear to me to be in an unreasonable state and how much easier it would be to be separated from them. The work that I did in this employment could be very demanding of time, and in some ways I tuned out some of which I could because I felt I very much needed to respond to the job in a certain way–a way which I believed was most beneficial in caring for the individuals in a warm and very responsible manner, and I seemed to be successful in THAT. It seemed that there was just NO way to respond full circle to all which needed attention. I prioritized according to how I felt was necessary. This included however, not truly being there to assist my fellow employees and management and also to share more in filling extra hours (and that need was almost continual). (My point here is not that I needed to become more stressed or to work myself to a point of exhaustion)
I wanted to blame the way the corporation operated or responses of management or individual employees for the stress which we all felt and the fact that there seemed to be no viable solution in sight to the overload. And there may have been outward truth in some of that. That, however, was, and is not, the point of which my attention truly needs to be called. I could literally go anyplace on Earth, to any employment or other situation and find much the same (actually) situation– regardless of the type of employment or the exact situation. These offerings, (or obstacles, depending on how I choose to view it), are going to be present anywhere that I should choose to try and navigate my ship. There will always be people, and circumstances, etc. through which I need to navigate. And they will always be presented to me in a way in which will activate and or stimulate in myself all that I need to address in the given moment. (that is to say the “mess” in which I believe that I perceive to find myself in). The principal “Guiding Star”, however, (for myself and my life), is truly best accessible within me. Okay, so yes, there is much to navigate there as well. Many FPs. I suspect as I stand at the edge of THAT, that as I learn by experimentation how to navigate inwardly, all of that which is without me will begin to respond as well.
I invite your open response and insight. Please feel welcome to assist me in seeing all which I may need to look into for my spiritual growth

Love, Cindy