Hi, Gail. Thank you for responding. In terms of physical sensations and where the pain is at, I just know that it is an emptiness. A yearning and a reaching out. I know too, though, that there is physical pain at times as well because sometimes I think of the complexities of what brought things to this point for her and at times my thoughts are self defensive, or blaming, as in “This isn’t particularly my fault.” At those times, I try to reach beyond that to realize what she has gone through and what those experiences are for her. She is in a marriage with a controlling and somewhat physically, (if there is a “somewhat” to that), and definitely verbally abusive person. It has been very difficult to be able to arrange being able to see her in times in which she did not draw back from me, as her spouse looks for any reason, or will create one, in order to keep family and friends away. Once I managed to travel alone to see her, and that was a good experience for both of us and her spouse was on his best behavior. The next time I tried to do so, she had a seven mile hike planned for us in the foothills outside of Denver, where they lived at the time. So I know that she wanted to have the support of a family member. The trip did not occur, however, as he worked to put a stop to it. I really need to work at assessing my courage when I am around him. It’s tough. During this time of estrangement, I look within myself and have had a lot of helpful intuitional insights which have assisted me to better understand the motivations of my daughter when she behaves in unexpected ways, since she has been in this relationship. I also consider our family background, what I have put in over the years to the relationship between she and myself, and etc. I am concerned for her emotional health and well being. I want what is best for her in those respects. She stays somewhat in contact with her sister and somewhat with a couple of other family members and for this, I am very grateful. I had a dream not too long ago, in which she was going to reach out and hug me. Instead, she went to her brother and hugged him first and then came to hug me. To me, this was a good way for this to have occurred as there is some healing between she and her brother which would be beneficial for them both. I’m going to close for now as I have some homework to get done. It’s great to hear from you. —-Cindy P.S. I very much appreciated Gary and Linda’s phone call about New Year’s resolutions too. I have resolved to loose weight this year,(again), and the talk really put this in good perspective.

Gail, Thank you for your support. I do have trouble describing my physical sensations. I get back into my mind with things. I was thinking about this very thing a couple of nights ago and felt appreciation for what Gary and Linda say about the journey from one’s head to one’s heart as being the longest journey I will make. It just resonated with me. Sometimes, lately, as I try to focus on the physical sensations in my body, I feel a rather great sense of calm. I have wondered if this could be what my soul feels like. I would appreciate yours and others thoughts on this. Thank you. Cindy

Hi David,
It’s good to hear from you. I let up a little bit this week on focusing on my physical sensations but I do not want to remain in that place–not noticing–because I will not continue growing and I will react without being aware in the moment of what I am doing or of the fact that I COULD choose from a more loving place. I won’t be able to access the greater love that I could share in my life. So I must continue to come back to my body and what is going on there and learn to be able to define the pain and where it is in relation to my various life experiences. I have been finding out that returning to that focus of emotional awareness can assist me in not choosing to go further with thoughts of fears such as worry, etc. in which I can tend to let myself get all worked up and anxious about possible life situations which are not actually occurring, but that I fear could. And of course, things never do occur just as I have worried that they might. I have had a big tendency for most of my life to overanalyze situations and people. I gain some insight from that, but I am not accessing the greater part of my heart such as I hope to do by continuing to develop my emotional awareness. I feel safer in understanding things with my mind, I believe, than in opening my heart FIRST and beginning from there. Sometimes I wonder if I even truly know what love is. I’m sure that there is much more that I have to discover about it. Lately, I have noticed that if I have a thought and I recognize it when it occurs and identify it quietly within myself as being from fear then it just kind of puts an end to it just through the identification of it. Like, “Okay, you’re from fear so I can just let go of you”. I’m finding this simple thing to help me not to blame myself, which is assistive for me as I have always tended to beat myself up a lot emotionally. Must close for now. Thank you for your response. It’s great to have this place where all can grow together! –Cindy

Hi,Pam. Thank you for your response. I didn’t get back right away as I found myself, once again, struggling with this very frightened part. When trying to make important or significant decisions I know I need to use my intellect. But I remember in one of Gary and Linda’s books how they stated that the intellect needs to be at the service of the heart. I know that these past few days that I have been more in my head than aware of my emotional centers, but I had some success with not getting too caught in worry just knowing about staying with my heart. I took an action and did the best that I could with my intentions. This morning, as I woke or very soon after, I had some insight about myself which I found to be very helpful. Funny thing though, as the day progressed, the insight slipped away from me. I need to take time and ask for it to come back.
Not knowing what love is…I believe there is more depth to love than I allow myself to become aware of. Right now, as I write about it, I feel tightness in my chest. It is heavy. I just paused, and I realize that now that I have taken the best action I knew to, I just need to let go and Trust the Universe. Come back to emotional awareness. Something was with me as I woke this morning and had the insight. It is always there. I just need to lean into it always. Practice asking and trusting.
We had beautiful snow earlier this week as I’m sure a lot of the country did. My school let out that day and I am grateful for my nice living room window and the view of the snow as it came down all day. Just wanted to share that. Have a great week!