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Topic: Pain of changing behaviors at work - rheaabramson Started 12 years, 3 months ago

Viewing 11 posts - 1 through 11 (of 11 total)
rheaabramson
Posted 12 years ago

Went to a product review meeting today at work with the intention of using the guidelines – and specifically for me: not entertaining, checking my intention before speaking, not caretaking or pleasing. I noticed that I didn’t have much to say and when I did have something important to add, I had to really use my courage to say it. My co-workers who are used to having me play a very vocal role were not very happy. Some were looking to me to shoot down designs that they were capable of shooting down, some were looking to me to approve designs I didn’t think were that good. And all the while I was in intense pain in my throat and chest and I found it hard to stay present.
I started to see anger bubbling up at my boss and a desire to lash out at her when she tried to force me into giving an opinion. I got angrier and angrier as I was asked to give an opinion and as I checked my intention to before I answered and it wasn’t fast enough for the group and they moved on. More anger – did they want my opinion or not? Finally one of my peers angrily confronted me and said I hadn’t said a word the entire meeting what was the matter with me? I see now that her frightened parts were activated by my silence since my normal behavior in that setting was to caretake her to make sure her designs were approved and her feelings weren’t hurt. I stated what I thought my role was in the meeting and then my boss said no we need you to speak up. I was totally afraid and wanted to say to them, don’t you see what I’m doing is for the best for all of us? The more I am clear about my intentions before speaking the better things will be. But I knew that was about me using external power to make my pain stop.
Now I am home and FP’s are very active telling me I can’t behave this way at work….and there is more pain in my chest and I feel terrible. I’m going back tomorrow with more meetings like this one to attend. I’m going to set intentions before each meeting for harmony, cooperation and having compassion for my frightened parts and those of my co-workers.

  • This topic was modified 12 years, 3 months ago by rheaabramson.
Lori
Posted 12 years ago

Hi Rhea
It is great to see you share what you are noticing as you being practicing creating Authentic Power at work. I am sure you will find many emotions, both loving and fear based, come up as you continue. Were you able to notice where you were feeling the anger in your body when you were interacting with your work mates?
Sending love
Lori
rheaabramson
Posted 12 years ago

Hi Lori, Thanks for your post. I can’t remember if I could feel the pain during the episode I described. I know the pain I feel when I think about it or when I prepare to go into a situation when I feel FP’s will be activated and it is in my chest. It is so difficult for me to stay present. Now that you have pointed this out, I am setting the intention to stay with the sensations in my body when FP’s arise. Thanks again for your support, it feels wonderful.
Rhea
Berta
Posted 12 years ago

Rhea, you are really using your courage and really applying the Spiritual Partnership Guidelines. I was wondering in your process of recognizing your intentions and your frightened parts (and experiencing the pain of it) since it’s been about 5 weeks or so were you also able to experience loving parts in changing your past relationship dynamics/patterns at work? Much Love, Berta (Spiritual Partner)
rheaabramson
Posted 12 years ago

Hi Berta – well everyday is a challenge and some days I totally let my FP’s get the best of me. In answer to your question I have seen some loving parts emerge. I see clearly places over the past few weeks when an FP wanted to judge and I chose not to and instead chose to open my eyes wider and see if I could see past the judgement I had of the person – namely my boss or her boss….and when I did that I was able to see their FP’s. I looked at them carefully and instead of judging them, I listened to what they had to say with an open heart and it diffused the tension I previously felt. So some small steps.

I keep a log of when my FP’s act up and when I am able to challenge them and that really helps.

How are are doing with the Guidelines?

xoxo Rhea
Berta
Posted 12 years ago

That’s so wonderful Rhea! When I asked you the question I was actually wondering if you felt any loving parts towards yourself for all your courage in following and applying the spiritual guidelines, but being able to challenge judgement of another and seeing their FP’s is loving yourself also.

In response to your question. There are days I am able to follow the Guidelines with a lot of success and other days my FP’s are so active that I just work on not judging myself and say “Tomorrow is another day.” One day at a time, actually more like one moment at a time…

xxoo, Berta
dianananda
Posted 12 years ago

Being new to this forum, wondering what “FP’s” are—is that “frightened parts”? thanks

  • This reply was modified 11 years, 12 months ago by dianananda.
Pamela Mann
Posted 12 years ago

Yes Diananda FPs are frightened parts. On the seat of the soul website there is a link for free tools, there is a link for the vocabulary that will come up in the form of a PDF file that can be printed off. This will assist you in understanding all of the terms. To learn more in depth about the vocabulary and how to work with the concepts the following books written by Gary and Linda are very helpful: The Heart of the Soul, The Seat of the Soul and Spiritual Partnership. All 3 of these books have been very helpful for me over the last 4 years.

Namaste, Pamela Mann
Pamela Mann
Posted 12 years ago

Rhea and Berta, sounds like both of you are off to a great start with using the spiritual guidelines. I find that as time goes by the feeling of really loving yourself (myself) for making healthy, positive choices becomes a daily experience and is a well spring of self love and inner joy. Remembering to be enjoy yourself each day and to be gentle with yourself in this healing process is key.

Thank you for sharing your experiences and being open to support in a new community. I find your courage to be inspiring.

Namaste,
Pamela Mann
Berta
Posted 12 years ago

Thank you for your support Pamela.

Namaste,
Berta
Joanne
Posted 12 years ago

Hi Diananda, Did you get to complete chapter 3 of the course. I just finished it and wanted to let you know Gary £ Linda do a great job at describing what a fp of the personality is and how to tell if you have a fp active that is based on fear or love. I’m excited for the call tomorrow.

Love, Joanne
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