Landing › Forums › General Discussion › Open to support
General Discussion
Topic: Open to support - Started 11 years, 11 months ago
 |
Posted 12 years ago
|
Tomorrow night I am going for dinner at my ex-girlfriends place. We have not been together in a long while but keep in touch with each other a few times a year. I look forward to seeing her because she triggers so much in me. I am also trying to hold on to the thought that the significant question is what can I learn about myself. FPs. The immediate FPs that come up for me are about her sexuality and physical beauty. I really feel it strongly in my stomach, chest and neck. The FP is like I can’t compete with her on either front. Well no. It’s almost like I am scared of her sexuality. I feel jealous. Or rather I have an FP that feels extremely inferior to her on both those fronts. In the past the way I acted on my FPs has been to either judge her (i.e. “she uses her sexuality & beauty to mask her FPs”), to play the role of care-taker towards her, or also to intellectualize/come across as ‘deep’. I want to try to choose differently tomorrow night. My FP is very scared of her sexuality and physical beauty. Inside of me I feel like crying as if to say, “i know that I am not good enough for you.” but I just don’t want that FP to drive me tomorrow. I want to lovingly hold my head high to support myself but also support her. I am not exactly sure what choices I can make to not act from my FPs. any thoughts of feedback would be much appreciated. with love, |
|
|
Posted 12 years ago
|
Post-Dinner Report I just got back from dinner at my ex-girlfriends place and this for me is the joy of doing the work of challenging my FPs. I had a pretty wonderful night and was aware that for a large part of the evening I was feeling an openness towards her and lots of joy/fun. I felt great not to be driven by my FPs. It’s like I felt lighter and the evening was in a sense lighter. Funny the double meaning of light (i.e. felt lighter and concept of Light). I feel excited to challenge more FPs and I feel by doing so I have access to a much larger world. thanks for listening. Eric |
 |
Posted 12 years ago
|
Wow. What a profound experience of challenging yourself to come from love rather than from fear. And look at the consequences you created! I celebrate with you the world you have chosen to open to. Clearly, you made the choice not to come from your fps. |
|
|
Posted 12 years ago
|
Thx Kelley for sharing your experience. Yesterday I shared a few text messages with this ex-partner. At one point she did not reply till hours later. During that period I was able to feel lots of pain in my chest, stomach and neck. Basically there is much more work to be done on my part because I feel like there is a big FP that tells me that without her love I am not lovable. If she contacts me I become overwhelmed with excitement and the opposite happens when I don’t hear from her. I am happy for the opportunity to do the work but it is tough. Thx, |
|
|
Posted 12 years ago
|
It takes courage for you to admit that there is a fp that tells you that without her love you are not lovable. No wonder there is pain associated with her not texting you back. Again, I acknowledge the things you are discovering about yourself. I used to be sooo frightened that I didn’t even know it- when I was in relationship with my former partner, if he didn’t text me back right away, I would immediately react with anger. I know now a fp had a huge fear of being abandoned (because of being frightened that I was unworthy of love). I still have many fps today, but one thing that has changed is rather than reacting with anger if he doesn’t text me/call me back right away, I have been able to focus inwards. The first time, I was experiencing a lot of pain in my chest and stomach. After fully feeling it, I did the most loving thing I could, which was have a bath. Then the second time, I noticed I had pain again in my chest, and kept choosing to do the most loving thing, this time it was to cry. Just the other day, we had planned to talk at a certain time. When he didn’t contact me within a few minutes of our agreed upon time, I trusted that there was a valid reason, (and that it wasn’t because I’m unlovable). Sure enough, within a few minutes, he called to explain that someone had been getting mugged outside his apartment just as he was about to call, and that he had been assisting the victim! He, of course, went back to the gentleman, and when he was done assisting, we had a lovely conversation. I appreciate hearing about how you have been remaining present with yourself in situations that trigger fps. It is so rewarding to hear about your discoveries, and to share mine. Kelley |
|
|
Posted 12 years ago
|
Hi Kelley, Thanks for sharing. Yes, I find that huge in terms of not reacting from an FP as you had done with anger. What I enjoy about this work is the fact that the fundamental aim is for me to grow spiritually but also to grow in closeness with all of humanity. To create closeness rather than distance. Of course any immediate reactions I have from an FP creates distance. I already created too much of that. Most of it has been from a fear to reach out. Today, I’m actually doing a late breakfast with a guy I met in my building last week. This is a big leap for me. I have so many FPs around being close to other men but if I don’t challenge this FP I will live in isolation. I just don’t want that any longer. Thanks again for sharing. lots of love, |
|
|
Posted 12 years ago
|
Dear Eric, I hope that your breakfast with your neighbor was rich with opportunities for connection and sharing. I wish you a beautiful winter soulstice. |
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.