Maria,

I completely agree with Tim that reading the Seat of the Soul book and experimenting with the contents would be very helpful, as it was in my case. More specifically, the last chapter on Trust was extremely helpful to me when I was desperate like you. Especially the following from that chapter helped me so much that I like to share it here.

A soul incarnates not only to heal, to balance its energy and to pay its karmic debts, but also to contribute its specialness in specific ways to the needs of the Earth school, by entering into a sacred agreement with the Universe. All of my life experiences serve to awaken within me the memory of that contract and to prepare me to fulfill it. I have to learn all the lessons I need to learn in order to fulfill it.

Authentic empowerment and the fulfillment of the soul’s task upon the Earth are not separate dynamics. Authentic empowerment is necessary to accomplish fully the mission of the soul, yet as I move into authentic empowerment, I move toward the fulfillment of my soul’s agreement with the Universe, and as I move toward that fulfillment – as I move consciously toward the energy of my soul – I empower myself. I and the work of my soul upon the Earth expand together. As one grows and develops, so does the other.

When the deepest part of me becomes engaged in what I am doing, when my activities and actions become gratifying and purposeful, when what I do serves both myself and others, when I do not tire within but seek the sweet satisfaction of my life and my work, I am doing what I was meant to be doing. The personality that is engaged in the work of its soul is buoyant. It is not burdened with negativity. It does not fear. It experiences purposefulness and meaning. It delights in its work and in others. It is fulfilled and fulfilling.

I wish you all the best in knowing the meaning in this life.

With love and trust,
Sundar Naga