Stephanie,

I think it might be better for me to wait until you find the time to respond in more detail (of course, no rush obviously). I would also like to see Shelley share her comments and thoughts.

Doug, I can never forget the constructive conversations we have had in the past. I always consider you my spiritual partner. You never need my permission to share your comments and thoughts. As Stephanie wanted, let us all learn together and grow together.

But, Stephanie, whenever you respond, I will respond in turn irrespective of whether others find the time to share their thoughts and comments.

With love and trust,
Sundar

Stephanie,

When I reread your post the second or third time, the following caught my attention:
“Additionally, I think it is ok if we see this situation from two different perspectives. I am learning what I need to learn and you what you need to learn but all the while walking the same path.”

I do not know what you mean by the above, but wondered for a split second whether I should share my thoughts on your response preceding this last paragraph. And, I decided to respond since I really like to suggest certain things for you to consider. However, I do not intend the exchanges of thoughts to be construed as arguments of any sort between two individuals. Of course, we can stop the sharing of thoughts at any time if we so desire.

With love and trust,
Sundar

Stephanie,

So, “Why am I experiencing frustration?” I think the answer is clear. Your idea of this community board has been that it is “a place where we can get guidance, learn and have some good conversations and be in spiritual partnerships”. From your perspective that was not happening. Your experiences pointed the following to you: “But I get really confused about how to be in spiritual partnerships here. Honestly the conversations so often revolve around someone noticing frightened parts. It’s scary for me to post.” As a result, only about half the times you actually posted.

Now, “Am I responsible for the frustration?” I think a more relevant question might be: “Am I right or wrong about the above conclusion I have come to? Am I just making it all up or is it real?” If you are right, then the frustration has been created by factors outside of you and you cannot obviously hold yourself responsible. If you do, you might unnecessarily experience a feeling of guilt, etc. If you are wrong, the solution is very simple: you have to correct yourself.

As I think that this “Am I responsible?” question is a critical one, let us take a couple of extreme examples. Mahatma Gandhi and Dr. M L K Jr. had certain expectations in their minds as to how humans in general must be treated by other humans. If they felt frustrated by what they actually observed, were they responsible for being in such a state? (I obviously don’t know whether they felt frustrated. Their feelings could have been at a much higher plane. But, I am just considering, if they did, then what?) The only relevant question was whether they were right or wrong in what they concluded and inferred from what they saw around them.

And next, “Is Frustration from fear?” Let us consider here the possibility that the state of frustration is actually wrong. In other words, your confusion was not at all warranted. Conversations never revolve around someone noticing frightened parts. The community board is actually doing what your expectations of it are. In that scenario there is a possibility that one or more of your frightened parts would want to exploit the situation to their advantage. They are designed by Divine Intelligence just for that job and your soul decided to bring them with you for that purpose. They would simply “tempt” you. They might ask you to lash out at the community board and strike out at everybody. According to Gary, such a temptation is a dress rehearsal. It, by itself, does not accrue any negative karma.

Now you have a choice. Either you yield to that temptation and do what the frightened parts force you to do or say. Or you challenge them and instead do or say what the corresponding loving parts suggest.

During the dress rehearsal you are expected to consider the possible outcomes of doing or saying what the frightened parts ask you to and the possible outcomes of doing or saying what the loving parts ask you to, if you are listening to them also. Let us assume that you yielded to that temptation and did or said according to the commands from the frightened parts. That is when the question of fear comes into picture. That is when you accumulate negative karma, meaning simply that there is still a lesson to be learned (of course, no punishment or anything of that sort is involved; it is just getting more opportunities offered by the Universe to help learn what needs to be learned). In other words, I believe there is no such question as “Is frustration from fear?” It is an irrelevant question I think.

As I need to take care of something else, I am going to submit this for your consideration. I might continue the post later because I think I like to address the later parts of your post.

With love and trust,
Sundar

Dear Doug,

I am in my 60’s!

Just trying to break the ice (in the sense of just joking; not sure whether that is the right expression I am after).

With love and trust,
Sundar

Sundar,

I have not forgotten about your many posts. I have read and enjoyed all of them, and agree with so much of what you say. So glad you are here, sharing this journey with us, supporting us, taking our thinking further.

I wonder if I may offer an explanation as to why I think people may be willing to say they sense a frightened part of someone’s personality is active, but why they may be hesitant to go into in-depth explanations.

1. It is easier to sense whether a person is coming from a genuine place of love or from fear
2. It is more difficult to know exactly how /why said person is is in fear. As I said in my post about my inner motivations, these lie a couple of levels deep.
3. Even if others were to know, telling people what you think they are thinking is inherently problematic. It would cause even more offense. People get to their realizations when they are ready, and resist if it is premature. Do you think I would have stood for anyone telling me I judge my reports because I don’t believe in my own self? I’d have taken their head off!

I believe this is an inherently personal journey, where each person has to go on an inward journey to uncover their own frightened parts and underlying intentions.

Having said that, I agree the brief comments, most often questioning only the frightened parts is off-putting. Can we ALL agree to use a more balanced approach, pointing out when someone has shown their authentic self, is coming from a place of love… that not only encourages the journey, but also strengthens the commenters own loving parts.

This is my thinking. Wonder whether someone with more experience can chime in and clarify this issue.

Again, thank you for all the love and support you have offered me, and to everyone else in the community!

Love,
Shelley

Stephanie and Shelley,

In my humble opinion the following is very important. Earlier I was going to write it by addressing Stephanie, as a continuation of my previous post. I just read Shelley’s narration of her personal situation. As I feel that it is applicable to that also, I am addressing her also.

Stephanie wrote: “So my “story” was I was frustrated with Doug (and others on the board) because I had the JUDGMENT that he/they weren’t doing it right.. meaning being a spiritual partner.” (Emphasis is SN’s.)

Another of the tricky dualities in the Design of the Divine Intelligence appears to be judgment vs DISCERNMENT (like caretaking vs caregiving that I referred to in an earlier post in this thread). Tricky in the sense that there is a subtle difference and if we are not careful enough, it can be misleading. Again, one is controlled by the frightened parts (of course, judgment, similar to caretaking) and the other by the loving parts.

I don’t think we can do away with discernment, meaning properly recognizing the situation for exactly what it is in the given moment or properly recognizing people for exactly what they are in the given moment. In my humble opinion it is impossible. What we do have to avoid totally is judgment, meaning improperly going a step further with some or other personal motive as dictated by the frightened parts.

I consider the subtle distinction between the two so important that in response to Gary and Linda asking us to suggest topics for the live call I have suggested ‘judgment vs discernment’. To the extent I have searched, I could not find Gary addressing this topic in detail in his books or videos. I know in a recent video he mentioned briefly about discerning, but that is all to my knowledge. If anybody has come across any detailed discussion by him anywhere, please please please let me know.

Let us again consider the extreme examples of Mahatma Gandhi and Dr. M L K Jr. They exactly understood the situation prevalent around them and the concerned people causing the situation. Did they judge the situation and the concerned people? I don’t think anyone looks at it that way. If so, they would not have been elevated to the status that they have been correctly elevated to. They obviously discerned the situation and the concerned people. And, they did not stop there. They not only discerned properly, but they also allowed their loving parts rather than frightened parts to take the next necessary steps. If they had allowed the frightened parts to control them, then they would have been deemed as having judged the situation and the concerned people.

Thus, again the question is: Is the conclusion that “he/they weren’t doing it right, meaning being a spiritual partner” correct or not? It might be correct and if so, there can be nothing wrong in that conclusion per se, in my opinion. In that case, it cannot be a judgment, again in my opinion. Even if it is correct, what we do next with that correct conclusion is important. There the frightened parts would try their level best to influence our next course of action. We will have to be careful. If that conclusion is shared with the community with the intention of asking it to consider and rethink about it, it cannot constitute a negative karma, meaning it is not coming from fear.

I could be wrong, but I notice a parallelism in the description shared by Shelley. “It is true that her performance is not up to other people who have reported to me. It is true that her not pulling her weight causes projects to bomb and puts a lot of pressure on me.” As long as it is true, I honestly believe that it should not be characterized as judgment; it is discernment, in my opinion. Such an evaluation is something that Shelley’s position demands and it is a duty and responsibility associated with that position.

“I could leave it at that and feel my frustration is justified.” Frustration doesn’t have to play any role here. I think the whole thing should be and can be approached without that element of frustration. Shelley, you are right. In that “calmish space” you should pay attention to the loving parts with a complete trust in the Universe. Say and do however the loving parts direct you in the given situation.

“See, we are creating a community. Responses to Sundar helped me gain some important insight!” Yes, it is all about insights. Thank the Universe for Gary and for his efforts to give us deep insights. What we are attempting to do is to try to share them among ourselves so that we can apply them in our lives that are, by design, tough.

With love and trust,
Sundar