Hi Leo,

Can you please explain why and how Soula’s statement of “If I choose fear, I put more poison in me” sounds like a judgment to you? Thanks.

With love and trust,
Sundar

Hello Sundar,

Thank you for your posting as it comes at this perfect time in my spiritual growth where I am practising more to being with the physical sensations in my body when I experience my painful emotions such as anger and shame. I have become clearer with my intention for doing this which is to integrate these parts of myself instead of them being “splintered” or repressed as I understand it, which causes confusion, inner conflict and struggle. When I can be with the painful physical sensations I feel more whole and accepting of myself. I feel this as openness in my solar plexus, chest and lower abdomen areas. From this space I am freer to choose from the most loving part of myself in that moment. This is how understand the term “content.”

For eg. the other day at the drycleaners the boy of the parents who own the drycleaners decided to serve me. As he did so with vitality and focus and assertively directed his mother to support him(he pushed her hand away from the cash register as her fp wanted to intrude, and I did not sense any anger or other negative feeling from her), I noticed myself feeling sad for not having that experience with my mother. This painful feeling had taken me away from the present moment. When I became aware of the feeling in my body as tightness in my solar plexus and little stabbing pulses in my heart I awoke to choosing to deeply appreciate the little boy and his mother as she lovingly held the space for him to serve me. I recall the glow in her face as she wished me a great day and the gratitude I felt for this gift from the Universe to experience the deep pain of this loss and break the chains of this illusion even more.

Love, Soula.

Hello Soula,

Thank you for your taking the time and showing the love to respond.

So, if I understand you right, is it correct to say that ‘content’ in this context means ‘accepting’? (I noticed your using this term in one place.) If so, Gary’s statements would read something like: “As the personality becomes whole and empowered, it becomes accepting of the illusion as it plays. … The splintered personality is not accepting [of the illusion]. The acceptance [of the illusion] it feels in one moment is replaced by anger or fear or envy in the next moment as conflicting aspects of itself struggle with each other.”

If the above is correct, I definitely understand the force of Gary’s statements. Let me know whether this is what you had in mind. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.

I would like to hear others’ comments on this also, if any.

With love and trust,
Sundar