Landing › Forums › General Discussion › I've been hiding

General Discussion

Topic: I've been hiding - Started 11 years ago

Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
Anonymous
Posted 11 years ago

It’s interesting as I bump up against the same pains over and over again and see the pattern emerge. For most of my adult life I’ve isolated. I focused on career, spirituality, etc. However, I steered clear of intimacy (in most forms). I used an addiction to help mitigate some of that excruciating pain (of loneliness & emptiness). There are specific areas of my life where I feel so deeply & excruciatingly inadequate. The prescription of isolation & addictive behavior provided some relief however it did not change anything. I tried simply breaking out of the isolation only to learn that in doing so I was forced to go back to that place of deep & excruciating inadequacy.

What am I learning? If I want to move through this FP I must go into the deep & excruciating inadequacy and challenge it directly. Which of course is much easier said than is done.
Dione
Posted 11 years ago

Thanks for sharing Eric. Since going to the retreat, my awareness of how ‘simple’ the love vs fear thing is to categorize how I am feeling or dealing with things has been enlightening. My thoughts today are of how strong my FP can be that am not doing it right, not enough, should have done something better, needed to spend more time with ‘x’, should spent more time posting on APLC….etc. Instead of focusing on how much I love doing what I do, love trying my best, love living with integrity, love the time I can spend with those in my life…etc. It is amazing how much more free and lighter I feel when I focus on the latter. Why can’t I have this positive focus more often? …… So there I go again focusing on what I haven’t done enough instead of just sitting with being grateful I have the awareness of how wonderful the love I have for myself is. Quite the trapeze in my world. Have you ever sat with how love and fear work within your thoughts of self? Much love, Dione

  • This reply was modified 11 years ago by Dione.
  • This reply was modified 11 years ago by Dione.
Anonymous
Posted 11 years ago

Hi Dione,

Thanks for sharing. It’s a tough one for me regarding navigating the distinction between love & fear within thoughts of self. I personally compare it to a fish born into polluted water. That fish may feel experiences of feeling unhealthy but would remain forever clueless as to the real cause of its problems (i.e. polluted water). I find as I bump up against painful experiences (i.e. isolation) it acts to point me towards a negative self image (thoughts) which has as their origin fear. However, many times that negative self-talk feels so completely natural that it is very difficult for me to even perceive that I am coming from fear. I find it a bit interesting in that way that I need the pain to wake me up to the presence of FPs.

Thanks again.

Eric
Pam Meyer
Posted 11 years ago

Hi Eric, I’m wondering if challenging the inadequacy means becoming adequate? And would a fp ever believe you were adequate? Challenging a fp for me doesn’t involve trying to convince my fp, but experiencing the pain I feel, with the intention to heal it. Good to hear from you. With Love, Pam
Anonymous
Posted 11 years ago

Thx Pam.

The intent behind my original post was just to share what I have been learning about myself. For a long time I struggled with isolation. As I tried to challenge that FP by putting myself out there more I noticed the pain was not diminishing. As I sat with it I could feel a much deeper pain within that wanted to remain hidden from others. Almost like a much deeper shame. I noticed that to truly transform my experience of isolation I needed to address this much deeper inadequacy. I realized I could technically break out of physical isolation but still remain isolated. To truly challenge the FP that wants to isolate I must go deeper and challenge the larger FP that is basically a form of shame. It is that FP that wants me to hide. I had been trying (which did help) to just physically get out there more but realized there was something larger at play. At least that was my experience. I am now making attempts to challenge that larger FP by first becoming more aware of it and trying to make better choices when I feel it active.

Thx.
Rosalind
Posted 11 years ago

Eric, I have found that feeling the pain of a fp with the intention of healing it is incredibly supportive. I place the thought “I intend to heal this” in the back of my mind as I feel the pain, releasing any thoughts that want to plan how I will do it (a fp’s way of removing me from fully feeling the pain) and trusting the Universe will support my healthy intention. I offer this as support for you as you continue to create authentic power.

With love, Rosalind
Soula
Posted 11 years ago

Thank you Rosalind, when I read Pam’s post sharing above to experience the pain by feeling it with the intention to heal, my thought was how do I heal it ? Your sharing supported me in seeing that this is a familiar and powerful fp that wants to fix, teach and at a deeper level to control. It feels powerless and it’s intention is to keep me from feeling it and experiencing its dynamics and learning about myself.
Love, Soula.
Anonymous
Posted 11 years ago

Eric,
I love your analogy about the polluted water. Inspired!
Best,
Wendy
Kristen Richardson
Posted 11 years ago

Thank you everyone for sharing. All your posts have supported me with challenging my FP that feels like I want to just be alone with my pain that is similar to what Eric shared. I am feeling my pain with the intention of healing it and challenging the thought that feels that isn’t even possible…it is possible and that is what I am doing in this moment, healing.
Love,
Kristen Richardson
Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.