Recently I was with a dear friend for the weekend. We had not seen each other in a few months as she recently moved to another state. What I noticed that I have not seen clearly in the past is that she stages almost every conversation with a somewhat elaborate explanation of why she thinks people act as they do. She prefaces these conversations with telling me how otherwise what good people they are, except that they behave in certain ways that she believes are destructive. There was almost no conversation or topic that escaped her approach. And it was ticking me/my fp’s off! I found that no matter what I said, she volleyed it back with her own assessment of how they got to their opinion. I knew pretty quickly that a big fp in me had been triggered. I could see her fp’s using these assessments to rationalize her complaining about how they acted, as she kept saying that she wasn’t criticizing or complaining. My head was spinning as I tried to get some balance and courage to say what needed to be said.
I/fp was at first focused on trying to set her right. But that felt oppressive to me. I felt withdrawn, and as if I was being physically pressed down with the weight of all the fear and pain. Fear and pain that I thought were hers. But as I stayed focused on what I could learn about myself, it was evident that the fear and pain I was feeling were my own. Though she and I have had many conversations about creating Authentic Power, I felt that she was not open to discussing what was going on with her or me. And I just did not have the strength at that moment to say anything more to her. A fp was judging myself for allowing me to be drawn into such a convrsation, and then not knowing how to use what I’ve learned to support her. I remembered Rosalind’s post about her interaction with her friend and how she realized that it was beneficial to her. I saw that I was attached to an outcome in that I wanted my friend to see that she was in a fp. But more than that, I wanted her to see it as a fp so that she would take the pressure off me to challenge my own fp’s. By the time I left our visit, I realized that I truly love her and am grateful for what our interactions teach me about myself. I know that this fp was about my using my courage. I had just written last week about my awareness that courage was a guideline that was difficult for me. And the Universe presented me with a perfect opportunity to challenge it. My intention is to stay open and to strengthen my ability to use my courage in the most productive and loving way possible. Namaste, Pam