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Topic: Intention, love and/or fear - Chi Started 9 years, 8 months ago

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Chi
Posted 10 years ago

Hello everyone, I am sharing this with the intention of understanding and challenging a frightened part of my personality.

I have noticed that lately whenever I find myself in certain challenging situations I get so flustered that I forget to take the time to set/figure out my intention before I act or speak. Once I have acted or spoken without doing so, I go round and round in my head replaying the scenario, questioning whether I came from love or fear and second guessing whatever answer my intuition (or intellect) gives me.

For example, a few hours ago I dropped off my daughter at her nursery (kindergarten).

As I was hanging up her bag and coat another Mum was doing the same nearby. I looked over and said hello and noticed that she was overweight and dressed in clothes that were extremely tight. I did what the frightened parts of my personality tend to do and I – inwardly – judged her instantly. She walked her daughter into the class ahead of me and bent down to kiss her little girl goodbye and I noticed a hole in the seat of her jeans.

I wrestled with whether or not to tell her for the next few minutes.

I thought, “If I tell her she’ll be so embarrassed ….. she’ll think that I’m trying to embarrass her ….. but if I don’t and she discovers the hole later, she’ll think it was mean of me to say nothing”.

Eventually, I decided to wait until we were outside in the car park away from the teachers and other children. I went up to her and told her as diplomatically and concisely as I could. She said she had realised that she had a hole in her jeans a little earlier and thanked me and I got into my car and left.

All the way home, I wondered, “Was that for her or for me?” I’m still not sure if I was doing something that I felt would be helpful to her or if I was doing it so that she would regard me as a nice person.

This is pretty much what I seek to discover about myself a lot of the time.

Having typed all this out, I now have pain in my throat and tightness in my chest area.

  • This topic was modified 9 years, 8 months ago by Chi.
Soula
Posted 10 years ago

Hi Chi,

Thanks for your sharing. It looks like to me that you are invoking guidance from your intuition by sharing this on the message board and asking what your intention was when you spoke to the lady. As you recall this event and notice any painful physical sensations such as in your throat and chest area as you said, can you be with these sensations and notice what thoughts you may have at the same time? When I do this I take a step in learning more about my fps and my intentions.

Sincerly, Soula.
Shane M
Posted 10 years ago

Hi Chi,

Meet your brother!….when I read your post I see first your conscious..what was your intention?…..it was kindness.A lot of people wouldn’t have dared told someone that.a tricky situation but you dealt with aptly and in confidence..so don’t best yourself up.As Gary says be mindful of your intention….10 years ago would you have bothered?……well done that was loving act.

Peace love Shane.
Joanne
Posted 10 years ago

Hi Chi,
Only you know the answer to this question. As Soula suggests when you think back to that day what were you feeling? What were your thoughts? were they attached to her seeing you as a kind person. Shane you could be right however, often times what looks like an act of kindness can often times be coming from fear. It is so good you are questioning this and willing to look deeper to discover what may be under what looks like a simple act.
Love Joanne
Chi
Posted 10 years ago

Hi Soula, Shane and Joanne. Thank you for your insightful comments/questions. The final thought that crossed my mind right before I decided to speak to the lady was, “What if the situation was reversed? I’d want someone to let me know that I had a hole in my trousers”. I guess I felt that I was doing to her what I’d like her to do to me.

It’s still so confusing to me but I’ve consulted my intuition and I now know that my seemingly kind act came from a place of fear. I wonder if the most loving thing I could have done in the moment would have been to say nothing?

I will continue to work on being more conscious of the sensations in my body just before I act or speak and to also ask my intuition what my intention is for acting or speaking.
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