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Topic: FP when vulnerable - Souha G Started 8 years, 11 months ago

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Souha G
Posted 9 years ago

I am becoming more aware of a FP of my personality that is a feeling of unworthiness and low self confidence every time I allow myself to be vulnerable – especially with someone that I am romantically interested in. The scenario is usually always following this pattern. Someone expresses interest in me and I genuinely feel affection, love, and attraction. I feel loving parts of my personality activated, I feel warm energy vibrating through me and I feel a sense of calm. Once I reach out, express emotions, or put myself out there in anyway, the FP of my personality comes out instantly. While I am express my truth I am fine, but 30 seconds after my heart starts to beat more rapidly, I start to feel restriction in my throat and tightness in my chest. This is followed by thoughts of unworthiness such as “he doesn’t really like you”, “you’ll never hear from him again”, and “you will look like a fool”. Historically, I’ve mostly been proven wrong and none of my fears happen; however, this is a FP of my personality that is so strong and recurring frequently. So I am challenging it again now by reaching out on the community board. This pain is one of the strongest that I am struggling with working through.

Another way I am challenging it is that I am focusing on my worthiness. I know that what matters is what I think of myself and that if I value myself that everything else will fall into place as it should be. What matters is what I think of myself and how much I love myself. Expressing this now is helping me access the loving parts of my personality and to be kinder to myself.

I am realizing I need to sit with these emotions and allow them to be, without judgment on myself or the emotion. Lastly, I am being vulnerable even though I know this pain will come up.

Love,
Souha

  • This topic was modified 8 years, 11 months ago by Souha G.
Roxanne
Posted 9 years ago

Hi Souha,
Thank you for sharing about this deep fp. I love the way you are challenging it – by focusing on your worthiness and being with the pain without judgement! I did want to ask you about “being vulnerable”. To me, it seems like this is the fp that gets triggered and starts to wonder what the other person will think as a lp is simply being authentic and loving. I believe this is what you are saying in your last sentence and I appreciate that you are choosing to show your love knowing there’s a possibility of this fp coming up again.

Love,
Roxanne
Souha G
Posted 9 years ago

Hi Roxanne,

Yes part of the fp are wondering what the other person is thinking. The last sentence is just saying that I am putting myself out there even though I know fp will come up. Previously I used to avoid being vulnerable and keep myself at a distance. Now I challenge it and I allow how I feel in a loving moment to come out even though I will have to deal with fp after.

Love,
Souha
Leah B
Posted 9 years ago

Souha, thank you for sharing and being open to being supported. I really related to what you said when you talked about the fps coming up when you allow yourself to be vulnerable. There are lots of times when I think about being open and vulnerable, my fps start playing me a movie of what will happen, how I will be embarrassed, how others will think less of me, etc. I feel the warmth of embarrassment, the knot in my stomach and realize I’m attached to the outcome and I’ve been engulfed in a fp. I really appreciate how you were vulnerable; it is helping me to look at and challenge that fp in me that needs to be validated by someone else instead of seeing my own self worth. This morning my loving parts are reminding me… “I am worthy”. “You are worthy”. Sending warmth and love to all who read. Leah
Ame-Lia T
Posted 9 years ago

Hi Souha, Thank you so much for sharing this. I am in the process of re-entering the dating world and so everything you said has great meaning for me. Thank you for being courageous and sharing. As I read what you wrote I wondered if, when you are reaching out, if you are coming from a loving part or a frightened part. How does it feel when you respond to someone else’s attraction? Are you attached to the outcome? I think this is something that I will really have to work on when I’m ready to connect again and I’m interested in how you can tell the difference between responding from a loving part and from a frightened part. All those feelings around those moments can be so confusing and I know for me it’s easy to get caught up in the frightened parts that want someone to comfort me and to love me. What would happen if I responded already knowing that I am worthy, regardless of what the outcome is? Is that something you’ve considered? Thanks again Souha. With love, Ame-Lia
Souha G
Posted 9 years ago

Hi Ame-Lia,

Thank you for your insight and feedback. So much has happened since I posted this entry. At the time, I was challenging a frightened part of my personality by allowing myself to be vulnerable and to allow myself to be loving and caring. The frightened part was that I didn’t think I was worthy of another person’s affection. And since then I have learned that I was attached to an outcome just as you mentioned.

Over the past month I learned so much about loving and accepting myself, about letting of attachment to outcome, and most importantly allowing what is meant to be to be. If a person I am interested in does not reciprocate then that is OK. Instead of needing to control an outcome, I trust that everything is happening as it should be. Of course I feel and hurt and I allow myself to feel my emotions but I also recognize there is a bigger picture and I trust that something better will eventually make it’s way to me.

Lastly and most importantly for me, I am learning about myself, about loving myself, and about what I want and what I don’t want. I am responsible for how I set the example of how others treat me. That was a huge step for me. I learned what to allow and what to let go of, all in a loving way and without judgement to the other person. I can now feel compassion towards a person that can’t meet my needs (previously I would have accommodated and “tried” to make things work out) and yet loving set boundaries.

I believe my journey unfolded exactly the way it should have. I learned so much through this relationship and it all happened gradually, like stepping stones.

The way that I know I am responding from a loving or frightened part, for me, is by recognizing my intention. If my intention is to hold back and put walls around myself then I know I am in a frightened part of my personality. If my intention is to express a feeling that I am currently experiencing then I recognize a loving part of my personality and allow it. How do you recognize if you’re in a loving or frightened part of your personality?

Thank you for your insights. With love, Souha
Ame-Lia T
Posted 9 years ago

Like stepping stones…I really love that statement. Thank you Souha for sharing all of your lessons learned. It sounds like you have been so in tune with your spiritual journey this past month. I often marvel at how quickly I can see things that, in the past, would have taken me years to see. Only one month ago you posted that original post and it seems like you have become aware of so much. That is exciting.
This statement stood out for me in your post “Of course I feel and hurt and I allow myself to feel my emotions but I also recognize there is a bigger picture and I trust that something better will eventually make it’s way to me.” Does this statement bring up any specific feelings for you in your body? I sense that it is a statement from a fp, but I want to check in.
I’ve been really in touch with my body recently and so when a frightened part is active I can usually feel it in my solar plexus or my chest. Those feelings have been so important for me to check in with as I continue to heal and learn from the relationship I recently left. When I found out he was dating again a wave of pain came over my entire body. I felt ill. When a friend of mine from my old town was talking about how happy he was, again, I felt sharp so nauseous and ball of pain in my solar plexus. I’ve been enjoying feeling these things and knowing that frightened parts are active telling me I’m not good enough and I’m not worthy of love. It helps me to not react from those places — like drink or overeat or drown myself in TV. Although it has been painful, I’m appreciating the awareness, which supports why I left the relationship in the first place.
I can really sense your gratitude for your journey and all that you’ve learned. Thank you so much for sharing Souha. With love, Ame-Lia
Souha G
Posted 9 years ago

Thank you for sharing as well Ame-Lia. With love, Souha
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