I was involved last week in a company reorganization that triggered some pretty strong frightened feelings in me. I thought I worked through the fear and was in a more loving place to respond to my new role in a loving and non-judgemental way but more changes were in the works that triggered an even stronger fear in me. I have been experiencing a great deal of tightness across my chest, and pressure in my forehead to the point of headaches. My frightened parts felt so disrespected by the changes and my thoughts have swung from murder to suicide. I have spoken a great deal of frustrated words to both coworkers and my wife. Tonight the fear and my reaction was so strong I had to stop and stare in the mirror asking what am I so afraid of. What are they asking of me that is worthy of all this fear and pain. After asking the universe for help with this question I immediately recalled a time as a young man I was laid off from my job. The hurt and fear at that time was tremendous but now I felt I was being shown that what I was feeling tonight some 30 years later was the same fear. I saw that in both cases my fear was a fear of worthlessness. My company, my bosses did not really value me and I was still in that place that wanted them to validate me as worth something. My fear then and tonight is the same. But I am not in the same place because today I see the lie, the wrong conclusion my FP had made. I know my self worth does not rest with others or their approval and I know that the universe has provided me a great opportunity to discover this frightened part and begin the healing process. I have great value, and have great gifts to share with mankind. So tomorrow instead of letting my boss experience my rath it is my intention to show him my love, my kindness, my consideration, and my willingness to cooperate and support his needs. It is my intention to reflect the intentions of my soul.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 11 months ago by Doug Brown.

I did respond to my bosses latest change with calm and cooperation. My energy centers were not feeling noticeable pain and my thoughts were on how I was going to accomplish this new assignment and not resentment or retaliation. I immediately dug into the new assignment with all my energy and attention, but. But I sense something in me is not as it appears. This weekend I noticed my activities were old familiar things I used to do to distract, vacate, or try to make me feel worthy. A lot of TV and Internet. None of my free time was devoted to Life School, reading Gary and Linda’s books, or focusing on my intentions which has been my norm for the past 9 months. This fear is deep and I have a lot more to learn about how it works in me. This morning I am here writing about my journey which is important.

Hi Doug,
Thanks for sharing about your fp that wants to distract. This was supportive for me to read and sit with as it is familiar to me. I have a fp that likes to distract me from being present with my life. It even distracts me from a different distraction – playing games on my pad as I watch tv. I have a deep heaviness/pressure over my entire heart area right now as I’m writing this and a sense of wanting to cry. As an experiment just now, I chose to eat my lunch without my normal unconscious fp behaviors such as checking email or reading something. As I sat at the kitchen counter trying to be present with my meal and being grateful for it, I noticed several times the fp that wanted to distract me – wanting to play with the fruit in the bowl or go through the stack of mail or vacate and think about something else. This is a big one for me and because it’s been so familiar, I haven’t really seen it this clearly and therefore, not looked at it deeply. One thing I’ve found supportive and grounding for me this past week has been to remember our current life exploration. I’ve been using it when I get triggered by someone or something, but I will now set my intention to use it when this unconscious fp tries to distract me from my life. I’d love to hear how you’re challenging your fp.

Love,
Roxanne