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Topic: Familiar Frightened Part of my Personality - Kristen Richardson Started 11 years, 2 months ago
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Posted 11 years ago
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One FP I am seeing more clearly is a FP of my personality that feels inferior, unloveable, inadequate and unworthy. I continue to be surprised how deep this pain is in me and how believable the FP thoughts are. I feel a deep heaviness in my throat, my back behind my heart, my right hip feels an aching sensation, my upper chest feels tight. The FP thoughts are: “I can’t do it” (meaning life here on earth), “I can’t heal this pain, I’m not going to be able to do it.” The FP perspective that I am alone. This plays itself out in my romantic spiritual partnerships where I can indulge feeling superior and inferior. Either using others, like my former husband to hide behind, indulging I am unworthy and I need his awesomeness to prove I am worthy, or being with a partner that I feel superior to, only to show how unworthy and inferior I am to be with such a person (less than me) says my FP. My intention is to continue to take responsibility for this pain and focus on myself. My judgment of others is truly judgment for myself. Me using others to indulge this pain is an expression of indulging powerlessness. My intention is to heal this pain…to choose equality. |
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Posted 11 years ago
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Hi Kristen |
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Posted 11 years ago
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Hi Kristen, I feel your steadfast commitment to creating AP in your life. I so appreciate the depth of your sharing. Your sentence “My judgment of others is truly judgment for myself” – as I read it, it seemed to me to be just another way for a fp to say that focusing judgment on yourself is somehow better than on others. I too would find it helpful to hear how you process challenging your fp of inferiority. Sending you love and blessings, Pam |
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Posted 11 years ago
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Hello Pam and Lori, great to hear from you both. One example of what I do is notice I am in a FP by noticing FP thoughts and or feeling painful sensations in my body. I bring my awareness back to my body, I open up my energy by relaxing it and taking a few deep breathes. For example yesterday I was visiting the guy I am dating for about 30 min. My FP’s wanted to judge him and tell me it was a complete waste of my time to see him and even be dating him because he “isn’t good enough for me.” FP of feeling superior. I noticed I was tempted to keep busy on my phone during our short visit and keep physical distance; All to indulge feeling superior, distant and keep from creating connection. I could feel tension in my jaw, my heart was tight, I felt overall tension and restlessness in my body. My intention was to challenge this FP and create equality. I went and sat next to him, touched him with the intention of touching him with love, I shared I noticed I had this FP active with him (he already knows about it). I opened and relaxed my energy and focused on connecting with him. I shifted my thoughts to appreciation and gratitude towards him and my opportunity to heal this pain. I chose the perspective that we are not different, we are really the same…One and I aligned myself with my inner awareness of this expanded, loving energy that is equality rather than focusing on the FP perspective of feeling separate and different. My intention is to be open, loving, grateful, appreciative all of the time, consistently. To not allow judgments, others FP’s, changes in roles or relationships, stories about life, to distract me from loving. I do my best to keep the focus on me and who I am being, no matter what. |
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