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Topic: Empowered Heart - Started 11 years, 7 months ago
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Posted 12 years ago
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I’ve been confused about how to respond to someone else’s very active FPs. In my family of origin I usually try to respond with love which in my case means letting it go because they are acting from an active FP. Tonight reflecting on it I went back to the newsletter about compassion and saw this line; “Compassion is loving others enough to say or do what is appropriate from an empowered heart without attachment to the outcome.” I need to reflect on this more but the words ’empowered heart’ resonates with me deeply. |
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Posted 12 years ago
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Empowered Heart Experiment I made a new friend a few months back and recently my intuition has suggested to me that he has been lying about something to me. Of course I can’t know that to be true it is just an intuitive feeling on my part. Part I – what do I feel inside when I perceive that I am being lied to? I can feel the pain in my chest, stomach and neck. I can feel the anger and the desire to ‘be right’ and ‘win my case’. If I follow these feelings that flow from a perception that may not even be true I will create painful consequences for me and most likely my friend. Part II – how can I respond to my friend from an empowered heart. Responding not to his FP that I perceive are active but to his soul? What does that look like for me? i’d appreciate any thoughts not only on the questions I ask but how if you see anything larger that I may be missing. with love, |
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Posted 12 years ago
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Hi Eric, I have been in such a situation as you described. For me it created distance and triggered fp’s of not wanting to speak to my friend because my fp was worried that she’d become angry, or confrontational or no longer want to maintain our friendship. But as I sat with it and experienced the pain, I had the understanding that not challenging it was going to keep me in a pain and turmoil that I no longer want in my life. So I spoke to her from my heart, staying in my integrity, and honored her as a soul with whom I was sharing this journey. I let go of any attachment I had to the outcome because I knew it would change the clarity and purpose of our conversation. When I looked at the pain it triggered, I saw that my fp’s wanted me to believe the story of doubt or inadequacy or “life isn’t perfect”. But the opportunity was perfect in that it called both of us to be the loving, beautiful beings we are. Blessings, Pam |
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Posted 12 years ago
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Hi Eric, I agree with Pam. Acting from FPS definitely creates more distance and pain. However compassion doesnt mean allowing lies or verbal abuse. I come from similiar family background. I usually avoid conflict by pleasing others. That means I give them what they want in order to avoid conflict. I am not in my integrity at that time.So how do we differentiate between the two. I think the difference is in your intention. What do you want to achieve? I let the intention tell me what to do. You will find a way to deal with the situation. In the past in situations where my words even if true would cause harm I have chosen to be silent but not please others or give what they want. It is always not easy. At times I have given in to my old patterns. I hope this helps. |
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Posted 12 years ago
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thanks Pam & Radhika for your perspectives as I really appreciate being able to process this. I’ve been really working through this one as the pattern is very familiar to me. The fundamentals for me are that a) no personality (including my own) can hurt my soul b) what am I being asked to learn from the pain associated with the experiences that are painful. I perceive that my friend is/has lied to me. Of course I can’t know that for sure. I can only feel it intuitively. I feel pain associated with that thought (my stomach, chest & head). Where I get stuck is trying to understand what the goal is of talking to my friend about it. If I want him to change (i.e. stop lying) in order for me to feel better than I feel I am trapped in external power. He is free to act how he pleases which of course does not mean that I stay there just that him changing or not is his choice. If I need to simply tell him that I feel like he lied to me (regardless of outcome/reaction) implies I need him to make me feel better (i.e. if he were not there for me to tell him then I’d be stuck in pain). That is where I’ve been getting stumped. I appreciate any thoughts as of course I may not be seeing something clearly. Love, |
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Posted 12 years ago
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Hi Eric, When you have this thought that my friend lied to me – your frightened part is active. The question is why? My experience is that these situations bring our own painful frightened parts. I agree with you that the focus should be on whats going on with you. If you can look deeper into your self and ask why does my friends possible lies make me uncomfortable you may be able to peel a layer to your self. Peace and Love |
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Posted 12 years ago
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Thx so much Radhika. That is what I’m trying to come to terms with. In my opinion no one can hurt me (emotionally) only I can do that to myself. I have a deep FP active about feeling that I am being ‘taken advantage of’ when I feel I am being lied to. However, if anyone is lying it is me to myself because my friend doesn’t have the power to take advantage of me. Only an active FP on my part can allow myself to be taken advantage of. It is my work to heal that FP. My friend has no part in that whether he never tells me a lie ever again or not…neither behavior on his part will change me. Does this mean I let the behavior continue? I guess it depends what behavior I am referring to. Of course I have no control on the behavior of anyone except myself. It must mean recognizing that FP that comes up when I allow myself to be taken advantage of…when the pain of saying what I must is so great that I stop from saying it. but then I get stumped… if tomorrow I am out with my friend and he says something that I perceive is a lie. My FP will become active. In that moment I can suggest, ‘hey, I feel like maybe you aren’t being honest with me right now.’ He may say, ‘yes, i was lying’ which would ease my pain. Or he can say, ‘no, i’m not lying’…of course my intuition won’t believe that. it seems to me that whatever i tell my friend won’t heal the my FP. that is where i get stumped. How do I heal the FP? |
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Posted 12 years ago
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Hi Eric, I am not sure I completely understand how to heal a frightened part. I will attempt to answer from my experience. When our frightened parts get triggered from whatever situation we get plugged into a thought/belief that in turn is a part of emotional energy. This energy has been mostly fear and few times sorrow for me. I usually can get to a thought/belief that is causing me a lot of pain. For example this could be a belief that people who lie are trying to take advantage of me. One of the spiritual partners that I met here has introduced me to the The Work by Byron Katie. I find it very useful for turning around some of these thoughts. The first step is Is this true? This thought or belief-You answer yes or no as best as you can. For me mostly yes How do you feel with this thought or belief-I will feel uncomfortable in my stomach. When I do this with each belief I simply get lighter. For me this helps deal with a frightened part makes it less intense. I am also realizing how much pain it causes me when I belives these thoughts. Just questioning their truth and feeling the pain of the thought and the freedom from the thought helps me choose what I would rather believe. I hope this helps. Thank you Peace and Love |
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Posted 12 years ago
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thx again for your thoughts & perspective. I am familiar with Byron Katie and think she is really great as well. As I have been sitting more with this inside this is what is coming to me. Assume I have a discussion with a friend where after we left each other I felt like, ‘he just lied to me.’ If the only way I can find peace is after I see him again and bring it up (challenge his FP) then I am engaging in external power. Because my peace is predicated on the other person (on bringing it up to them). However, if I can come to peace with the situation by seeing what I can learn about myself (i.e. to see all the places I lie in my life or the lies i tell myself) then I can challenge his FP from a really loving place because I will be filled with love for him already. If I need to express ‘my truth’ to another person as the only way to relieve my pain then I must dig deeper because I will most likely find an active FP. Now the next time I am with my friend if I feel like he is lying to me then in the moment I can challenge him if I notice in that moment. But I would do that only out of love for him because whether he lies to me or not is out of my control. this has been a fun process. 🙂 |
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Posted 12 years ago
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Hi Eric, I agree with you completely. The pain we feel is secondary to our thoughts. Once we get that life changes completely. You definitely had a breakthrough. Peace and Love |
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Posted 12 years ago
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Hi Eric, Is feeling lied to a familiar feeling? Do you and have you felt lied to by others? Blessings, Carol Ann |
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Posted 12 years ago
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Hi Carolyn, Really nice to hear from you. Yes, it is very familiar for me. In the past the best I could do in response to the feeling was act from fear by creating distance between myself and the person I perceived was lying to me to me. I am very much looking forward to another similar experience of feeling that i am being lied to comes up so that I can practice challenging it. 🙂 Thx, |
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Posted 11 years ago
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Hi Eric, I’m just going to experiement and put this out there….As I read the posts, what is coming up for me is intention. If after exploring what is being triggered inside of me and taking responsiblity for my experience (when I feel that someone may be lying to me)… and I still sense this person may not be telling the truth as a matter of decernment or observation and not as a judgement ….if I am still feeling distance from this person, then I feel to be in my integrity, I want to share MY experience… that I do not feel that I am not being told the truth and I do not know if this is accurate… and I want to share that so I can remove the wall that I have put up…without attachement to the outcome or a specific answer or responce from the other person (or any response)…and see what happens and what else I can learn about myself. My intention is to use my courange and share what is going on with me (which my frightened parts do not want me to do) that is keeping me distant(and in my thoughts)….and as an opportunity for a deeper connection….or not…with this person. I appreciate the topic. Love, Gail |
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Posted 11 years ago
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Hi Gail, Thanks so much for sharing. I get so much out of writing my posts and reading the responses to them. I look forward to seeing you in a few weeks. Lots of love. Eric |
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Posted 11 years ago
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Gail, I appreciate your sharing. It resonates with me. The part ” as an opportunity for deeper connection or not” is big for me because the fp have their perspectives of what the expectations of a particular relationship is or should be and they can make the decision of what is said. In other words the fear of the unknown (the deeper relationship) is where the courage comes in to choose between their illusionary perceptions and my intention to be in my integrity. I have done this with an employee of mine when I sensed she may be lying to me about a situation. My intention for speaking to her was to release the distance I felt with her by sharing with her what I thought and asking her why she did that. I felt this to be constructive / healthy for me in that i opened myself to her, i broke down With love Soul. |
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