Hi Lori:

I had an experience where I felt compassion for someone and rather than start a new topic, I felt it fitting to add it to your post. I can really see your commitment to learning more about yourself while you experience your mother living with you and your immediate family.

I want to share my feelings of compassion for a co-worker, so my post is as follows:

I recently attended a wedding and reception and the plan was to meet two other women from my office so that we could “hang out” together because the three of us had decided to each go solo to the event. I was in contact with them on my way to the event and met them in the lobby and we sat by each other at the wedding. I didn’t get a chance to spend any time with them during the cocktail hour because I was talking to other guests, but we knew that we were assigned to the same table for dinner. I walked to dinner with one of the women, Katie, and we sat down together. Katie chose not to sit next to a woman who was already seated at our table, so I sat between them. As I introduced myself and talked to the other woman, another woman from our office switched places with her husband, so the seat next to her was available, and Katie decided to go and sit next to her. (Her name is Jane.) When I noticed that Katie had moved, my frightened part that is afraid of rejection appeared. I started to become familiar with this frightened part a few years ago, so I’m glad I could see it, but it still wasn’t easy to experience it. I made a conscious choice to enjoy myself at dinner, but I do know that from time to time I did indulge the frightened part of me that felt sorry for myself. I decided to observe Katie and Jane and noticed that they said about three sentences to each other during the entire dinner.

After dinner, the reception began and several of us from the office, including Katie and Jane, sat at a table and watched people dance. After awhile, I decided to leave and as I was leaving, Katie said to me that she was glad that I came. I was a little confused by her remark because I felt that what she said was something more fitting for the bride and groom to say to me. I did tell her that I was glad that I came to the event, too.

The next day, I felt the pain of rejection again and thought about what happened. I then remembered that Katie doesn’t get along easily with others. In fact, she was upset with someone whom she sat next to at the office for approximately 10 years and did not talk to that person for about 8 of those 10 years. Just recently, someone was supposed to move to our floor and this person was supposed to sit next to her; however, that person sought approval to not have to sit next to Katie. My intuition also told me that Katie didn’t sit next to the new woman at the reception because her frightened part did not want her to meet and talk to someone whom she didn’t know. I recalled that Katie had frightened parts when dealing with others and began to realize that she most likely sat next to Jane because she felt knew her better and most likely felt more comfortable with her, and she would then not have to challenge a frightened part if she sat next to Jane.

At that point, I had compassion for Katie. I also released the distance I felt from her and decided that when I saw her at work that my compassion for her would continue. It’s been a couple of weeks since the wedding and reception and I still am not feeling any distance from Katie and feel good that I followed the Authentic Power Guidelines to the best of my ability when dealing with this life experience.

Hey Lori, thankyou for your sharing. I think the first step in changing anything, is having the awareness of what is going on and it sounds like you have that already. the hard part is not indulging the fear parts. It was a real eye opener for me the first Journey to learn about the superiority part of my personality. I had never recognized that before.I had always thought I felt inferior. I hear in your words, an excitement about being able to explore and heal these parts of yourself. I feel that way as well with the issues in my life unless I am totally immersed in the fear parts. I really try and look on the person that seems to be triggering me, as a gift from the universe to heal more parts of myself, and then I can see a bigger picture, than just what is happening in the present moment. Not always so easy though. I also feel that part of learning compassion, at least for me it is…is learning compassion for myself. It seems that as I have more compassion for myself, I seem to grow in compassion for others….
I struggle with what is happening in the present moment…with my students…I get so caught up with stuff, and I have been really praying for guidance and awareness from the universe. Now when I am teaching, and I see the fear parts coming out, I am more able to have awareness in the middle of it, and I always say thankyou because I am so grateful when I can choose to change what is happening to something that is more loving.
What you just said though, I see that I am missing in my interactions with my students. I don’t pause long enough to feel the feelings in my body. so thankyou for sharing that as I will do that tomorrow.
Blessings to you…Judy