No one can actually control one’s world, however, my ego sure tries and even fantasizes that it can. I have spent my whole life trying to do it; trying to arrange my environment (controlling & manipulating circumstances and even sometimes people) in order to feel safe and comfortable.

Recently, because of my reading of Gary’s work, I have swung the pendulum to the place where I have come to believe that controlling MYSELF; no matter what goes on around me is what I need to do. This has created peace within that I have not known for a long time, perhaps never.

So, here’s my dilemma… my partner and I have struggled mightily in our nine month relationship. The struggle has come to a head several times as she reminds me how I originally portrayed myself to be more than I am and how she feels “jipped” because I am not “that” man.

So my question is, “When should someone ‘actually’ take control of one’s world and make changes in it?” I don’t want to run. I don’t want to be “five-sensory” and swap her out and look for another partner (someday) so I can “be happy”.

I see that I am a mirror to her (she is not enough) and I have compassion for her. Yet, I see that she is making herself miserable because of her beliefs about me. She needs me to change. I am changing, for sure, (largely because I am immersing myself in Gary and Linda’s work) and yet, it doesn’t seem to be enough.

I have stayed in the relationship. I want to learn more about myself. As she blames me for her upset, I focus on my emotions and where I feel them. I check my intentions. I react less often from my fear and, more and more often I remain quiet. I am, most definitely, growing into authentic power.

So, should I continue to stay? Or should I end and trade the “relationship pain” for the “pain of loss”? I feel both scenarios in my chest (tightness) and solar plexus (nausea) areas.

If you respond, I will assume that you are not a therapist. I will consider your perspective but not blame you for my decision.

Thank you for your perspective.