I am writing this after watching the chapter 3 video. My day has not gone as planned. I am in bed, retreating.

Yesterday I was told that a friend’s 27 year old granddaughter had died recently in a car crash. I also know the girl’s mom, but we are not close friends. My husband and I have a 20 year old son. My heart aches for the family of this young woman. I think that this could happen to me, to anyone, at any time.

Today, at my early morning babysitting job, although I had eaten a good breakfast, and wasn’t particularly hungry, I found myself eating food (salted mixed nuts) that I normally would not eat. I also ate a Pure Protein bar which I would not normally eat, as I generally avoid sugar and wheat, and the bar contains both. I was aware at the time I was eating these things that this was a “red flag” so to speak, and that I was “self medicating” but I was not immediately aware of the cause.

When I got home, I found that my son had skipped his Tuesday morning college class for the second week in a row. I discussed it with my husband a bit, felt powerless, and went up to bed to lie down.

I ended up “self medicating” by watching a recorded TV show (Real Housewives of Beverly Hill) that I am drawn to (strangely enough) at least partially as a way to practice non-judgement.

I then fell asleep for about a half hour, awoke, watched chapter 3 and here I am now, writing this, and realizing that I have been in the grips of the frightened parts of my personality on and off since 4:30 pm yesterday when I heard the news of my friend’s granddaughter’s sudden death.

As I was driving home last night around 9 pm I noticed that I had a headache, which for me is very rare. I remember thinking, where is this coming from? But I didn’t make the connection. Today, when I watched the video, it occurred to me that perhaps the headache was due to the emotion I felt surrounding the death of my friend’s granddaughter. And maybe the unconscious overeating this morning was connected as well, and the TV watching and the need to sleep as well.

I feel sad and depressed as I am writing this. I had planned to go to the gym today, but now I will not have time. I feel like crying. I am crying. This too is unusual for me as I am generally pretty happy and feeling good. In fact, my user name is happytobefeelinggood. Fearful parts of my personality have definitely been triggered. Good timing, I guess, and good to have the course and this forum to turn to for support. Thank you for listening. I am staring to feel better already.

I am so blessed to have had so many good teachers over the past 20 or so years. Thank you Gary and Linda. You are among my very best! I am looking forward to joining in the conversation tonight. It will be my first live phone call as I joined late. Thank you so much for the scholarship which made taking this course a possibility for me. Many thanks, and God bless you both!

Love,
Mary

• This topic was modified 11 years, 11 months ago by Mary Broad.
• This topic was modified 11 years, 11 months ago by Mary Broad.
• This topic was modified 11 years, 11 months ago by Mary Broad.