I’ve been a renter for 12 years and my wife and I decided to purchase a home last week. It was a huge challenge to a frightened part of my personality to make the offer because one of the reasons I have viewed myself as a life-time renter is because I wanted to be mobile in case I lost my job one day. From a frightened part it seems more secure to be a renter. Deciding to buy a house was a choice to trust that I could take care of myself or at least the universe would provide what I need.

When we first looked at the house we marveled out how ‘perfect’ it was. How could it be that anything could be wrong with it. After putting an offer on the house, I almost immediately felt myself becoming attached. I could see the thoughts and feel the pain in my body, usually my solar plexus. Although I wasn’t sure whether the loan would be approved, I didn’t have any doubts about the house itself. Today after a home inspection they discovered some mold (a lot in the garage and some under the house). They say it can be corrected. I felt frightened parts of my personality being disappointed and also powerless as to what to do. Do we continue with the deal? Can we trust that these issues really can be fixed? How would I ever know? I am not a handyman.

Although what’s coming up for me seems to be related to the house, this is actually a familiar frightened part of my personality that needs to ‘know’ how things will play out, needs to be in control, wants to hoard because a frightened part of my personality thinks I won’t have the money to take care of what I need to take care of, etc (or at least it thinks it will be the end of the world if I find myself in that situation).

So I am feeling the pain and setting my intention to trust that I will be guided to do the healthiest thing in each step. My first step was to write on the message board. I sometimes feel that sharing what I am experiencing and my intention with spiritual partners is a good way to cultivate loving parts of my personality. My second step is to breathe and just let it all go for the day. There is nothing I can do about it this evening. When it comes up again, I will choose to let go again.

~David