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Topic: Authentic Power through the sex/race turmoil - Shelley P Started 7 years, 3 months ago
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Posted 7 years ago
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That was a great call this morning. I am trying to apply what I heard to my own experiences which are somehow but not clearly intertwined with this whole racist, misogynistic, homophobic….”dialog” the country is having. As I have mentioned in these threads before, I have buried my emotions and have hardly any access to them. Know that I have really tried, have barely got out of my chair the past six hours as I try to access my feeling, my energy centers, and the most I can feel is a deep hollow in my stomach. And zilch. So, forgive me. This is more brain than emotional awareness talking. Sorry. What I heard Gary and Linda say this morning is that we use our reactions to outside events as a flag, a marker to examine our own fears, judgments. And then, act correctly out of love, rather than react blindly out of fear, so we can develop authentic power….. Over a year ago, I had a falling out with two of my closest friends. One person in our group of seven was sending jokes that belittled women –our stupidity/ vainness/ shallowness, incompetence…., or aggrandized certain female body parts in a cheap way… the other men (two) laughed along. The other women never said anything. In the fight or flight duality, my reaction has never been flight (ignore, men will be men)… I have to speak up. Keep in mind, there is a deep history here of a patriarchal Eastern culture – women are expected to be nice, cheerful, subservient, amenable…even as they are cat-called, harassed, and as has been coming out in the news in recent years, molested and even raped…. I can’t/ won’t ignore these trespasses, I must speak. The other women in our group are all proud that they have never once been triggered or angry in 15 or 20 years (each claiming a longer success rate than the other). I clearly am not like them ? One day, the joker guy sent a joke about husbands’ money going down their wives panty tracks. I responded back with something like “Sexist nonsense!” No reaction from the others. Next day something about stupid women and their poor driving skills. About the same time, one of the other guys sent a picture of his wife and daughter. I responded by saying, your stupid wife and daughter look pretty. Now I see that my reaction came from my pain of powerlessness. I made it personal so they could see how offensive it is to be called stupid. I see that this is seeking external power, I wanted to cause pain like I was feeling it. Or I wanted to be admired for being right… in any case, it was external power. Of course it never turns out that way…. It now became about my not having a sense of humor, being too serious, taking things personally, getting a life. The couple who were my closest friends never ever said anything through the whole interaction. Except a few months later, they forwarded some goody-two-shoes video about not giving up a good friendship because of ego. I feel the loss of the friendship of these two (the silent ones). We have been friends for ~25 years, and it is through them that I got to know the other two couples. We’ve partied together, vacationed together, supported one another through good times and bad. I do not have many friends. So I feel the loss of this couple deeply. This morning I was thinking of reaching out just to this one couple and sharing that I miss them, their friendship. But their silence through this episode, and afterwards when I shared the story of my abuse and why this is personal tells me I cannot be with them or this group and be myself. I want to confront this pain of powerlessness, and not react. I want to do something constructive out of love that builds authentic power. But I sit here without a clue what to do, how to do it… Hoping one of my spiritual partners can help. |
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Posted 7 years ago
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Dear Shelly, At me first Journey to the Soul retreat 3 years ago I vividly recall sitting down at a lunch table with 4 ladies from the event. One of them asked me why I came to the event and I believe I said because I wanted to be a better person. Another lady asked me why that was important to me. That simple question trigger so much fear in me that my head was literally dizzy with head chatter and rage. I experienced a massive sense of fight or flight. The embarassed freighted part of my personality decided that there was no graceful way to run from these ladies and this question. So the fight frightened part of my personality glared intensely at the lady who spoke to me and I said something that basically said “it’s important to me so back off”. One of the other dear ladies at the table asked me if I noticed that when I answered the question I had left my chair and was leaning half way across the table nose to nose with the lady I was answering. In the moment I did not see that but when she told me I could suddenly see that scene. I went back to my room that evening horrified at that interaction. Embarrassment filled my body which was a total frightened part of my personality wanting to be seen as loving and kind. The other thought I had was how surprised I was that I could get that angry at such a simple question. It was in that moment that I knew I was in a worse place than I would ever admit and if I did not find some answers and choose differently many many parts of my life were going to be impacted in a dramatic destructive way. But like you I sat there without a clue what to do. The next day as the Journey event was reaching an end Gary and Linda offered an invitation to apply for the Masterr Class Immersion program. The Journey to the Soul event had been awkward, embarrassing, painful, uncomfortable, and traumatic for me. But in that massive moment of fearful and confused thoughts I was able to ask myself what could I do that would take me on a different path than I had been on that had produced the Doug I had become. Immersing myself in more of what I had experienced that week was clearly different. My fear said Hell No but this other voice said be courageous and follow your heart not your head. So I paid the application fee and started a new chapter in the book of my life. It was and continues to be a life altering choice in my life. I am constantly amazed how practicing being reminded of a different perspective about what part of me (love or fear) and what part of others (love or fear) is doing or saying what they are has revolutionized who I am becoming. That choice I made 3 years ago changed the trajectory of my life. One thing I know for sure, the Universe has had my back and your back every step of the way. With Love, Doug |
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Posted 7 years ago
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Hi Doug, So glad to see your response. All the frightened parts were screaming “see, you can’t even get support from the community!” And it took stillness to say, no, people have work lives during the week, hopefully, someone will respond on the weekend. And thank you, as always, for your so honest sharing. You always know what is most needed to be said, and say it. Thank you! I agree, that I have had many decades becoming the person that I am today, and it is going to take deep immersion to change from the roots. I have long wanted to do the Journey, and especially the Immersion class. But these are a bit outside my financial ability to afford. I know, I spoke about this last year to the managers, and I believe it’s not about fear of money. For me the lesson I needed to learn is discipline and not spending the money that is not there. So, unfortunately, these are outside my possibility. But your point is well made. I will look into the online class, which I think is affordable. And hopefully all of you soul partners can share/ guide as needed. And I do agree with you, the Universe is always looking out for us, and bringing us the lessons we need. Thanks! Aff’ly, |
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Posted 7 years ago
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Dear Shelley, The current quote by Gary at the top right corner of the Lifeschool site appears to be a possible answer to the question you have raised. “You cannot heal the fear of another and no one can heal yours, but you can inspire others with your emotional awareness, responsible choices, intuition and trust in the Universe.” Thus, it seems to me that you can inspire your friends who make sexist comments with Gary’s lessons and help them understand the negativity therein without your getting angry at them. With love and trust, |
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Posted 7 years ago
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Sundar! Welcome back to the forum. And thank you for your words of wisdom! Shelley
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