Landing Forums Introduce Yourself Aloha~ Excited to be here

Introduce Yourself

Topic: Aloha~ Excited to be here - Daniella B Started 7 years, 5 months ago

Viewing 15 posts - 46 through 60 (of 60 total)
Posted 7 years ago

Sundar,

I don’t usually visit the portal during the week. By some chance, I did visit today, so I am responding.

The first think I would say is, this is an extremely important and sensitive time in your life. Your first priority is to reduce stress and take care of yourself. Do whatever it is you do to de-stress – some Sukh-asana, meditation, talking to people who bring you peace of mind, listen to calming music, walking in nature… whatever. Just keep your stress down.

I really am a novice at Life School; have not gone to any off-site, or done the in-depth training. Like you, I still over index on thinking vs. feeling, and Trust is absent from the cast of characters I put on the field. So my response is probably not going to be in line with Gary’s teaching.

Maybe Doug or Luz or someone can guide you better in your current situation.

But for what it is worth, I will share a couple of things from what I have learned.
You quoted Gary’s teaching: “My interactions … provide me the opportunity to develop emotional awareness ….” And you continued on to say in this regard…, I don’t want to judge X or his nurse;

There are a million things wrong with the world and with how we treat oneanother. I am sure there are a million things the doctor and his nurse could have done better in this interaction. But you are not responsible for them. You cannot change them. You can only change you. You clap with both hands, so if you are honest you know you probably also had some role to play in how this interaction went down.

So, as I understand it, what Gary is asking you to do here is use this interaction to develop EMOTIONAL AWARENESS only about YOURSELF.

In similar circumstances, I try to get in touch with my feelings –am I feeling hurt, angry, discriminated against, judged…. Then I ask myself: When have I felt like this before? What is the common pattern? And I am amazed to find the same general pattern in how I feel people treat me with slight nuanced differences all the way to childhood!

So, then the question comes up: Is there something I do to generate this type of interaction with the other person? I keep my eyes compulsively inward on myself, not on what the other person should have done. This is the best I can do with feeling. I don’t have the recommended ability to feel tightness in the chest or butterflies in my stomach…but this examination with inward focus stands in for examining feelings for now.

Then comes the part where Gary talks about making responsible choices.
I want to separate the responsible choice about whether you should have procedure with doctor x or y. I am sure you will make a good choice there.

The responsible choice from a spiritual and self development perspective here is: Let’s assume through your above introspection you come to the realization that in your interaction with the nurse you were just a tiny bit over indexing on one of these things (just throwing out a range of possibilities): too persnickety, argumentative, abrupt, snippy, sarcastic, condescending….maybe you asked the right question but in the wrong tone…and why not, you were just given scary news, you were stressed, and we all react to stress poorly. Cut your self some clack, IF there is anything that you could have done differently.

For me making responsible choices in these kinds of situations is owning what I did wrong. Sometimes I will admit to the other person that I felt stressed and perhaps had the wrong reaction. Sometimes my pride gets in the way, I know, but I won’t admit to the other. I find sharing my fear and admitting my mistake usually works, because it allows the other person to also lay down their arms, and then we can discuss more calmly the next steps one human being to another.

Lastly, you ask should I only feel or also think. I don’t believe anyone recommends not to think at all. I think I mentioned letting your feeling muscle get as strong as your thinking muscle so they can work as equal partners. Just now, many of us have a pronounced limp in our walk!

Hope this helps! Good luck with your next discussion, and with the procedure. We will be thinking good thoughts for you.

Shelley

Posted 7 years ago

Hello
I just logged on here while looking at some of the videos. I read some of the comments above and one comment from Sundar and Shelley wrote about feeling vs thinking.

The video I just began watching Gary speaks about thinking and going back to your emotions. Title of the video is Labeling Emotions Isn’t Emotional Awareness.

Log onto the Life School and copy paste the link below to watch the video below.

With Love
Luz

Labeling emotions isn’t emotional awareness

Posted 7 years ago

Dear Shelley,

Thank you for sharing your response to Doug. I sense your commitment to growth. Has this opportunity supported you in other areas of your life?

Love,
Kristen

Posted 7 years ago

Hi Doug,

Is it possibly there was a frightened part of your personality active that had an intention of teaching Shelley? I feel like she had an insight about a frightened part of her personality and the response you messaged back felt like it possibly came from your thoughts (FP’s) rather than your heart?

Love,
Kristen

Posted 7 years ago

Dear Doug,

I genuinely want to thank you for your lovingly coming forward to share your perspective with me after we both were left alone in today’s live-call small group.

Unfortunately for me your sharing got interrupted when a third person happened to enter into our small group without our knowledge, seemed to have heard some last part of what I was telling you, waited a while hearing the perspective you were sharing with me and then asked you whether you were coming from a frightened part of yours to feel good about yourself. Then she told us that she was leaving.

You started to wonder whether you were indeed coming from a frightened part of yours. We had to spend the time discussing that. As I asked you, how can another person identify whether your explanation to me comes from a frightened part or not? As I told you, Gary has taken up on himself the biggest responsibility of explaining the most difficult things to help us learn and apply. To ever question whether he comes from his frightened part to feel good about himself must be the worst thought ever. And, a small part of his effort you take up with your spiritual partner, namely me in this case. And, that is to be welcome. And, it is my responsibility anyway to analyze and understand the ones that I need to out of what you share, whether it is coming from a loving part or frightened part.

Then the third person came back with a fourth person.

I honestly thought there was a responsibility on somebody’s part to turn the system off and I didn’t want to delay that process. But, the third person said ours was the only small group that was still open and therefore entered to see what was happening. To see what was happening? And with a fourth person!

The unfortunate end result is that I couldn’t hear the perspective that you originally wanted to share with me.

So, how does this system work? Can anyone come into any small group without the knowledge of the current participants and interrupt anytime as they choose to?

I am nonplussed by what happened today. Am I the only one ignorant of this system? Do others happen to know this is how it works?

If you know the answers, please share. I value your spiritual partnership. Thank you in advance.

The Universe willing, if we ever get a chance to interact outside of this community board, I would love to hear the original perspective that you lovingly wanted to share with me. Thank you again.

With love and trust,
Sundar

  • This reply was modified 7 years, 4 months ago by Sundar Naga.
Posted 7 years ago

Dear Shelley,

Thank you so much for your good thoughts. They mean a lot. I am just facing every moment as it comes. Not stressed out, as you lovingly suggest to avoid. Being stressed out is not going to help either to feel or to think, as needed.

Also, thank you for sharing your wisdom. Your point about responsible choice (with respect to separating the two factors) made me think. I agree with you.

You wrote: “I think I mentioned letting your feeling muscle get as strong as your thinking muscle so they can work as equal partners.” I sincerely apologize that I missed that message in your posts. We seem to be on the same page.

With love and trust,
Sundar

Posted 7 years ago

Hi Kristen,

Thank you for the question.

This interaction has brought a greater understanding of myself and my MOs. I will share my journey here a bit. I do hope you read with compassion, and all my spiritual partners here will guide me further ?.

I come from a family of super smart people. I am not in the same category of smart as them overall, or more accurately, my smarts are of a different type than theirs (not scientific, mathematical…). I have scored in the top percentile in a competitive exam, and yet, there is a frightened part of my personality that says that was a fluke, or result of super hard work, you are not really smart. And in many of my interactions in the world, I have come to see, that my underlying motive is to prove subtly, or not so subtly, that I am smart, or to get acknowledgement from others that I am smart.

This interaction, and the constant questioning on this site, are you providing advice to feel better about yourself (which I hate, but more on that later), has brought this aspect of my MO in focus.

Each strong trait/MO has both advantages and disadvantages. While my need to constantly prove my smarts has brought me much material success, brought me to the US, gave me some career success, I am now seeing how this trait has been a disaster in my pursuit of being lovable and loved, in so many areas of my life.

I may be being a little bit harsh to myself as I say this, but the essence is true:
What boss wants a smart aleck competitive chick always trying to prove her smarts as a subordinate?
What subordinate wants to work for a boss who is always trying to prove her smarts by pointing out your errors?
What friend/spouse wants to live with someone who makes you feel intellectually inferior, by always having a better argument, solution…

As I have faced the dreaded question, are you giving advice to feel better about yourself, and I have reread my responses, and seen equal measures of wanting to help and wanting to show off my knowledge, I have gotten greater clarity on this frightened aspect of my personality that is constantly trying to get praise, recognition, acknowledgement, kudos, rewards, bonuses….

About my calling this a dreaded question: I remember the quote, what you resist, persists! I hate this question on the board with a passion. In case you missed it, I hate, hate, hate this question! I have all kinds of reasoning as to why this question is detrimental to the functioning of this community board, and some of it may even be right (more on that in a subsequent post, perhaps). But I have had to ask myself, why the emotional response? What is this triggering in me? And i have to admit that only this examination triggered by my resistance and emotional response has brought me to the above realization that my wanting to prove my smarts is an issue that girds so many of my problems in life.

Lastly, as I have written to advise Sundar, and also as a result of Luz sharing the video, I know that I am still hobbled by an inability to feel. As I mentioned to someone on the call yesterday, those of us who have been abused, or have seen abuse in childhood learn that the only way to survive is by killing off all feelings. I don’t feel. I am strong, I am stoic, I am powerful…. I can think my way out of any situation. I still feel little, and more superficially than say my afore-mentioned friend Sue. Now I can label emotions, but I still don’t feel anything in my chest or stomach, as so many of you can. I may cry in a movie, but I am hardly crying about the fact that ~23 million of my country men and women will lose their healthcare in the current health bill. I am sorry mentally, but my heart is not really touched.

But then that is why I am here in Life School – to learn to recapture the lost art of feeling!

So that’s my journey, and my realizations so far. Thanks for asking, Kristen.

Shelley

Posted 7 years ago

Dear Shelley,

I have been wondering what MO stands for. Maybe I should know it or you mentioned it before. But I am clueless (it is something maybe meaning strong strait and it has both advantages and disadvantages). Please help.

Thank you for such a beautiful post. Yesterday I was seriously considering not being a part of this community board (until certain things are taken care of, at least after some action by Gary and Linda, if necessary). But, honestly, you are the only one person because of whom I still feel like being a part of this board – not because you try to prove your smarts, but because you appear to me to feel so much and express yourself, however long it may require for your post to be. I realize you are not going to agree with me when I say you appear to feel, but to me your posts, long or short, are so alive! While others might have paid attention to the anger in your words that addressed me in a particular earlier post (you would know which one I am referring to), I could see a strong loving intention in you. I do look for such responses and I really appreciate them for their value to me.

Now, along the lines of an entirely different point that you have addressed in your above post.

You wrote: “I hate this question on the board with a passion. In case you missed it, I hate, hate, hate this question! I have all kinds of reasoning as to why this question is detrimental to the functioning of this community board, and some of it may even be right (more on that in a subsequent post, perhaps).”

Here is an important information. I really think it happened before you joined this community board (I apologize if I am wrong). One spiritual partner (if I remember right, Stephanie C) expressed herself vividly one day how scared she was to post on this community board after watching the experiences I was going through. I used to respond to questions raised by members newly joining the community board, often not even in my own words, but by quoting Gary’s words which I consider golden and constantly attempt to apply in my own life. Almost invariably the result was the dreaded question that you are referring to.

I really don’t know how many of the concerned members actually happened to read Stephanie C’s “moving” post and how many of those who read actually understood the implications. (I was strong enough not to let the posts with the dreaded question affect me in a way to stop contributing to this community board in a constructive way that I wanted to. But, I can understand that not everyone can be like that. Stephanie C’s post was so shocking, on the one hand, and so revealing, on the other hand. And, of course, there is no meaning in being emotional about it. You seem to wonder whether you are emotional about it. In case you indeed are after you take the steps to feel, please don’t be. That is my suggestion for you to consider, as your sincere spiritual partner. I don’t think we can allow any of our frightened parts to become active and exploit this situation. But, as I continue below, it appears to me to be an important issue as it seems to prevent a free expression of feelings and thoughts by members, especially in a community board associated with Gary and Linda.)

After an unexpected interruption occurred during a heart-to-heart communication between me and Doug in our small group discussion during the last live call (that too in the form of the dreaded question you are referring to), about which I have posted above, I happened to remark to him that this community board is not even active. (Something that I didn’t tell him is that anyone needs only the fingers in one hand to count the number of people that contribute with substance, not counting those whose function seems to be to ask the dreaded question). Then I said I really don’t know whether Gary and Linda are aware how inactive this community board is although they often happen to encourage members to use this board. He said he knew that they are aware.

Later in the evening that day it occurred to me that I didn’t think of asking him whether Gary and Linda know about Stephanie C’s post. I think that post is the most important one that they should become aware of in relation to this issue.

If I don’t hear any response to my various questions in that post from anybody in a reasonable time, especially from the third and fourth persons I refer to there (who happen to be Lori and Roxanne, respectively), I am considering copying and pasting my post in an email addressed to Gary and Linda, along with a reference to Stephanie C’s post (after I make sure it was indeed Stephanie C). I don’t think my frightened part is active when I think so. If indeed it is, I am completely open for Gary and Linda to explain how so; I am sure they will explain in a way that will totally convince me.

One of the most important points in your above post that anyone truly concerned with this issue deeply should note is: “I do hope you read with compassion”. To me that seems to say a lot regarding this issue. I don’t think you are proving your smarts by writing this statement. I think there is a lot of feeling behind this statement. I like to wait and see whether there is any meaningful response to this statement of yours.

With love and trust,
Sundar

  • This reply was modified 7 years, 4 months ago by Sundar Naga.
Posted 7 years ago

Dear Shelley,

I must add:

I like to wait and see whether there is any response from anyone referred to in my above post (from the past or from the present), a response that is from both heart and head, and not from just the head, in other words, a response based on both feeling and thinking, and not on just thinking alone, before I should consider any next step.

Oh, one other thing I just thought of: There is no point in hating this potential issue. That is of course the result of the frightened part showing its power over the thinking process. Everyone concerned is indeed our spiritual partners, as we are their spiritual partners.

The one quote of Gary’s that has meant so much to me always and seems to guide me in a vertical path in my life is: “We are all on the same boat.”

Yes, the way I understand it, the soul of each of ours has brought certain specific frightened parts and loving parts with the corresponding personality and the spiritual growth expected of us by the Divine Intelligence is nothing but identifying, challenging and changing each frightened part, and at the same time, identifying and cultivating each loving part (of course, so that the personality can give the gifts that the soul wants it to give to the world).

We all need to help one another. I honestly believe that should be the mission of the community board run by Gary and Linda in their wonderful Life School and Earth School.

Please, please don’t hate it. Just face it for what it is. That is all we can do. The rest is left to the alive, wise and compassionate Universe! It is the responsibility of the Universe to make sure everything ends well, which of course we never need to doubt.

With love (for everyone) and trust (in the Universe),
Sundar

  • This reply was modified 7 years, 4 months ago by Sundar Naga.
Posted 7 years ago

Kristen,

Thank you for your support. I feel now a lot of pain in my heart and I need to sit even longer with this to get the full meaning for me. While I had set an intention to be watchful of my switching into my teaching mode I agree with you that a FP of me stepped in and wanted to share an observation that would distract Shelly from her beautiful insight.

What I am starting to see in me is this FP of me that reads posts looking for “things to fix” in others. As I share this again the sharp pain in my chest grows intense.

With Love

Doug

Posted 7 years ago

Sundar,

Good luck with the procedure tomorrow.

All I can say to your earlier post is: Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water. There is a lot of good in what Gary teaches, there is a lot of good advice on OUR community board. Glad you have voiced your concerns, let’s see if we can’t find solutions.

Later,

Shelley

Posted 7 years ago

Dear Shelley,

Thank you so much. It happens to be today (due to some changes). Leaving soon.

With love and trust,
Sundar

Posted 7 years ago

Sundar I am sending good thoughts your way.

Love Doug

Posted 7 years ago

Dear Shelley and Doug,

The day after the catheterization procedure, namely on June 30, I had a quadrupole bypass surgery done. Came back home on July 5. Slowly recovering.

With love and trust,
Sundar

Posted 7 years ago

Glad to see you back, Sundar, and that everything went well. Rest well and take care of yourself.

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