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Topic: Accomplishing worldly goals with love? - Doug Brown Started 8 years, 9 months ago

Viewing 14 posts - 1 through 14 (of 14 total)
Doug Brown
Posted 9 years ago

I have had this question out to my guides and teachers for a couple of weeks but still don’t have clarity. I have many examples but I will start with a simple one this morning. Leah and I are having some major repairs done to a rental property we own. We had three contractors quote the project and all three said they could complete the repairs in 2 weeks. We chose a contractor and he is currently 4 weeks into the repairs and estimates he has another week to go. He has many valid reasons for not completing the project as planned including bad weather and key workers taking unexpected trips out of the country. The property generally does not rent this time of year so the extra time is not costing us rental income. I have not reminded him of his 2 week estimate because I assumed that would only trigger his fear and that did not seem to be a loving act on my part to knowingly trigger him. I suspect if these delays were costing us rental income my fears would be triggered and my desire would be to drive him to do more to finish the job. So the question is how do you accomplish worldly goals (meet a deadline) or get others to meet their commitments with loving actions when it seems likely just discussing the issue will trigger fear and not love? Not being attached to the outcome feels like not worrying if the job gets done right or on time. For me when the outcome is tied to a deadline that I deem important and that I don’t want to see missed I pull out my external power tools and trigger fear in others to get them to move. I know that is how my bosses treat me as well.

Your fellow classmate in the earth school, Doug
Roxanne
Posted 9 years ago

Hi Doug,

What came to me as I was reading this was wondering if you might have a fp that is caretaking him when you say “because I assumed that would only trigger his fear”? Another thing that comes up for me is whether you may have a fp that is tolerating and judging? What do you notice in your body when you think about this?

What would your loving parts do if you weren’t to “pull out my external power tools”?

Love,
Roxanne
Shelley P
Posted 8 years ago

Hi Doug,

Resurrecting an old post of yours. Wondering if you would share whether you have worked through this problem, and what were your learnings? This is a common problem, I too wonder about how I can accomplish worldly goals while developing and flexing my loving muscles.

If you have a moment, would love to hear more about your, of any spiritual partners’ experiences in this realm.
Doug Brown
Posted 8 years ago

Shelley,

Thank you for reminding me to reflect on this again. I sent this same question to Gary at the time I was experiencing this and he created a video that helped me a great deal to find a loving perspective and learn even more about myself from this experience. The video is called How do I “get the job done with love”.

For me this experience brought to light many aspects of my personality that were intertwined frightened parts. I think the biggest thing I learned through this was to question what was really my intention. Was it to finish this project to my satisfaction and get it off my “plate” or was this experience really in my life to show me me. Everyday as the saga unfolded I asked myself that question and wrestled with what seemed to be opposite answers. I wanted both end results.

Here were some things I learned about myself. I have a frighten part that wants to avoid conflict. Gary has written about a personality trait called a “pleaser” and I found a great deal of similarities in me to the way a pleaser attempts to control their external world and still feel safe and worthy. I have another strong frightened part that wants to maintain an idealistic image of me and uses the way others react to me as a sign my image is working. My ideal image is quiet, loving, humble, wise, and perfect. To do things to other people that might cause them to become angry with me or feel judgement from me (my perception of what they thought of me) would bring up feelings of self judgement, remorse, and in extreme examples self hate. So like the pleaser I try to “soft sell my agenda” to control others.

I honestly could go on and on with how so many splintered facets of my personality tried to work their way through this construction project.

I did my best moment by moment to set and reset my intention to watch me go through this. I journaled daily and searched and read all I could about the different frightened parts I thought I was seeing. I learned that understanding more about my FP did not mean it no longer could control me. Did I act in my integrity with my contractor with each interaction? I doubt it, but I am not really wanting to keep score because I learned a FP of me wants to be perfect and keeping score just brings me pain.

This event in my life was an amazing learning time for me and I am certain it will be helpful for me to go through many more experiences as I continue to uncover and practice challenging the FP’s I find in me.

Love Doug
Sundar Naga
Posted 8 years ago

Thank you, Shelley, for your loving intention to trigger a constructive, beneficial discussion on the community board by referring to a post from about 8 months ago.

Thank you, Doug, for raising such an important, practical question to Gary and prompting me, through your response to Shelley, to view the said video again.

In the sentiment of discussions that Stephanie and I love to see on the community board, I like to raise a question and start the discussion. I would love for Shelley, Stephanie, Doug and the other spiritual partners to contribute their thoughts and develop the discussion further.

I listened once to Gary in the said video after I read the post from Doug. And, Gary’s message is well summarized in the caption for the video: “Use your emotional awareness to distinguish love from fear in you. Then act from the most loving part of your personality you can.”

I continued to think about this.

Okay, let us say we do as Gary suggests. It appears that what happens next is not in our hands. The other person (in this case, the contractor that Doug was interacting with) can choose to act or say in any way. Let us say that the other person acts or says in a way that does not appear to solve the situation in hand. Now, Shelley’s critical question of “what next?” seems to arise.

I like to share my thought. I would love the others to make comments on it and share their thoughts as to the possible answers and develop the discussion.

Yes, we should continue to act in love no matter how the other person acts. But, the “what next?” question still seems to come up. Since no one of us is just all alone on this earth, but every one of us has to interact with quite a few others day in and day out, having control over only the way we act or say and not over the way anybody else might act or say, the critical question of “what next?” appears to come up again and again in our lives.

I strongly believe the answer to be: Completely trust the Universe and continue to move forward in love, no matter what.

No doubt with respect to the other person the situation is out of our hands, but the Universe is there to take complete care of things as per the three spiritual laws formulated by Gary. Thus, the two fundamental ideas of Gary’s, namely love and trust, seem to come into picture together. As I was thinking along these lines, the memories of my various life experiences came back to me, which seem to have time and again pointed to the significance and power of trust in the Universe. In Doug’s case, for example, Doug may have no control over what the contractor might do or say even after Doug acts and says from the most loving part of his personality he can. But, the contractor’s soul and Doug’s soul, along with any other souls involved in the situation, all of whom, I think, together make up the Universe in that circumstance, are also in the picture in an invisible manner taking full care of things. I strongly believe in this. If so, what else do we need to keep moving forward?!

After such thoughts over the last couple of days or so, I happened to listen to Gary again in the said video this morning. Something that I had not paid attention the earlier time caught my attention this second time – it is what Gary says at the very end of the video. “Then the recourse that you have is to approach this circumstance as an opportunity to grow in love, to grow in patience, to grow in appreciation, to grow in gratitude, to grow in contentment, to grow in awe of the Universe and see what happens.”

To grow in awe of the Universe and see what happens! To me that sounds like saying: Completely trust the Universe and continue to move forward in love, no matter what.

With love and trust,
Sundar

  • This reply was modified 8 years, 1 month ago by Sundar Naga. Reason: to make it read better
Soula
Posted 8 years ago

Hi everyone,

I would like to share a way that I experiment with the “timeless” question of “what next.”

My commitment is to learn about myself in my interactions. I may notice a familiar fp that feels inferior and does not want to speak about my idea or suggestion. Specifically being inferior has many fps for me that may be at play. In this situation, I may fear, being dismissed, ignored, fears criticism, is jealous/compares and withdraws.

The physical sensations in my body(pain) and my thoughts (self-critical) are informing me of an opportunity to challenge this fp belief/perspective at that time. So, as a scientist of the soul, I open to my intuition and use my courage to experiment with doing it differently than before. My challenge is to maintain focus within my body as I experiment with my words and actions. Behind my word and action is my intention. A key intention for me is learning to be in my integrity in all of my interactions. It is my body and brain(thoughts) that guide me in seeing if the intention for my behavior was from love or fear. It is my challenge because I have a fear based aspect of me that looks at the other person reaction for seeking validation/approval. This aspect of me has an expectation from the other person. When I am in integrity(in line with my deepest values of my soul) in my interaction I can feel the energy in my centers as an alignment and balance as compared to an off alignment/pain(a pull by the fp). It is not easy to stand up for my integrity and hold that intention. For me when I do this at every choice I am creating authentic power. This is why being in this community is so valuable and very supportive to me on my journey.

With gratitude and love,
Soula.
Sundar Naga
Posted 8 years ago

Thank you, Soula. I love your characterization of the “what next?” question: timeless. It made me think further.

I share my thoughts with all the spiritual partners in the next post for your further comments.

With love and trust,
Sundar Naga
Sundar Naga
Posted 8 years ago

So, “what next?” question is timeless. It appears to be inevitable at every step of our way during our spiritual journey.

Although every step of the journey is tied to the timeless “what next?” question, it seems to me that all the steps involved in the journey can be classified into two major categories.

One set of steps is concerned with one’s own spiritual growth. At every one of these steps the answer to the “what next?” question is based on the idea of challenging one’s own frightened parts and cultivating the loving parts. In other words, love is the answer here.

The second set of steps is concerned with the given individual in relation to the other person or persons. But, here the given individual has no direct control over how the other person or persons would act or say even if that individual shows only love. At every one of these steps the answer to the “what next?” question is based on the idea of completely trusting the Universe. This allows one to stay detached from the outcome. In other words, one continues to show love toward the other person or persons without any specific expectation of how the other person or persons should act or say and hence without feeling dejected or dissatisfied in case the other person or persons seem not to understand the love shown. Thus, trust is the answer here.

I find the above distinction very helpful. On the one hand, we continue to cultivate our own loving parts by challenging the frightened parts. On the other hand, we continue to completely trust the Universe without expecting anything specific from the other person or persons. Both kinds of answers to the timeless “what next?” question appear to be essential.

With love and trust,
Sundar Naga
Shelley P
Posted 8 years ago

Hi everybody,
Sorry for being AWOL a few days. I did not check the box for notifications, so wondered why there was so much silence in the community. Glad I checked today.

Such beautiful thoughts and guidance y’all!

I learn by writing, writing in bullet points, so I am going to summarize what I learned from the above posts.

The path to taking action in the real world has five steps:

1. My commitment is to learn about myself in all my interactions (remove my eyes/thoughts from what the other person said/ did, and bring them back to myself, and what I am doing or not doing, feeling or not feeling).

2. The physical sensations in my body (pain or calm/peace) and my thoughts (self-critical or loving/accepting) as I go through my day will inform me if there is an opportunity to challenge any frightened parts/ mistaken beliefs/ perspectives at that time.

3. Once I know that there is an opportunity to challenge a frightened part, I must consult my intuition and USE MY COURAGE to experiment with DOING IT DIFFERENTLY THAN BEFORE. I.e. Get out of insanity – doing what I have always done but expecting different results.

4. As I experiment with words and actions (in my own mind, first), I should maintain my focus within my body, because the body will provide the clue to my underlying intention. Ask myself: Will I be in integrity when I say or do what I am thinking?

The challenge here is to balance asking for what I need without impinging on the other person’s soul. I must experiment with different ways of conversing such that I get what I need (not give up on myself, my needs or become passive), but also show understanding, compassion love for the other person.

5. Again, it is important to keep the focus on my own body and brain, not on what impact/reaction my actions will generate in the other person.

When I am not in integrity with the highest values of my soul, I will feel off alignment/pain. If I am in my integrity, and balancing myself and the other person in the interaction, I will feel the energy in my centers as an alignment and balance. Getting to this balance is not easy. It takes time and experimentation. But when I am able to do this for every choice, every interaction, then I am on the path to creating authentic power.

More about how I am doing that in the next post. In the meantime, I remain deeply grateful to you fellow journeyers!

Shelley
Shelley P
Posted 8 years ago

Going back to my current struggle with my employee described in a previous post, I did accomplish Steps 1/2:– Instead of focusing on her inadequacies, I see my frightened part in this struggle –my lack of belief in myself, and the consequent need to prove how smart I am, which was causing the strife between us.

Step 3: I asked myself, if I did not have this need, how might I do things differently? When I could take my mind off all her inadequacies and failures, and how I was the one who was right in our war, I heard the whisper that perhaps, instead of seeing her as an inadequate performer, I might see her as young, inexperienced, a softie (lacking the grit and doggedness that is required in the business world).

Instead of seeing these as major flaws that disqualified her, I might accept even appreciate her softness, I might take her under my wing and teach her about perseverance, grit, accomplishing goals… but doing it as a team rather than as opponents, without making her feel inadequate. It may require 10 extra minutes conferring on how to overcome the challenges of the day. Though I don’t have to do that with the others, it is not too much to ask for.

Step 4:
I do feel that this is the right solution. By seeing my role as a leader, teacher, motivator, encourager, I am not giving up what I need (performance), and I am building up my employee’s confidence and ability. Most importantly, I am also teaching myself to be a giver, not a taker. So again, I am getting to the highest value/agreement with my soul’s purpose.

My current challenge: since this is still new, I forget to check with my feelings in the moment. I slip and let my face, body language or words give away my impatience. I realize a second too late I have done what I did not want to do.

Here I like, what I believe was Doug’s suggestion in an earlier post: take 10 minutes every morning to meditate on how I will give, appreciate, be positive, generous in my day, especially with my soft employee.

I also remember a suggestion to be gentle with myself. If I can be gentle with myself, let myself make mistakes, maybe I can also be gentle with others.

Anyway, that’s where I am now. Stay tuned for more updates. And if any spiritual partners have additional suggestions, please feel free to share.

With love and trust,

Shelley
Sundar Naga
Posted 8 years ago

Shelley,

In my humble opinion, you are no doubt a big gift to this community! I don’t know what else to say. Words fail me.

I simply love your summary in those 5 steps. It is very deep indeed!

Incidentally, I love your definition of insanity in step 3. It has deepened my perspective.

I like your characterization of the employee: softie. Please continue along those lines in addition to the other ones.

I agree that step 4 is a big challenge. It is a critical step though, I think. I love the way you are approaching it.

The following is really not any additional suggestion. I will just point out how it works for me. Generally I wake up very early after a sound sleep. Without getting up from bed, as I lie in bed awake, I go over in myself about that day. The brain and mind are so fresh that it has helped me tremendously. Intuition seems to work the best for me at that time. I could not have successfully faced a very, very big challenge in my life otherwise, I think.

As you continue in your journey, I am positive you are going to be totally amazed at the immense power of the Universe – its Wisdom and Compassion, while carefully analyzing the ways in which things pan out. Something I never expected at all to happen in this lifetime in my personal life is happening now. When I analyze the various facts in its background, I am simply speechless. I am so grateful to the Universe, namely the individual souls, the guide souls and the Teacher souls involved!

Please continue to post your valuable insights.

With love and trust,
Sundar
Sundar Naga
Posted 8 years ago

I wrote in my previous post: “The brain and mind are so fresh that it has helped me tremendously. Intuition seems to work the best for me at that time.”

Later when I pondered further, it occurred to me that I should have included heart also in addition to brain and mind.

I would love to get much more clarity with respect to the comparison and contrast among these three vital components, namely brain, mind and heart, especially in light of Gary’s teachings. I like to request those spiritual partners who have thought a lot about such comparison and contrast to start a new thread, share, and develop a beneficial discussion.

Thank you very much in advance.

With love and trust,
Sundar Naga
Doug Brown
Posted 8 years ago

Shelley,

For me I have noticed it takes courage to look inside me for the cause of my struggles. Once I realized that, I asked myself why, what was I afraid of that apparently I did not want to see. So far I have found a part of me that does not want to take responsibility for the mess I sometimes find myself in. This week I had a call with a coworker I had never met before. The call for me was painful. My coworkers tone and choice of words triggered me. I was annoyed at the least and borderline angry. Even if she could not support what I was asking her to do, a part of me wanted her to be polite. She did not come off polite.

Why did she need to be polite for me to be ok? Why did I get triggered? Did I go into the call with an intention to co-create or compromise? Was I in a frightened perspective when the call started? What my true intention?

So far one thing I have learned about myself is that a frightened part of me was seeing my coworker as only a personality. When I remembered the Compassion guideline, seeing myself and others as Souls who sometimes have frightened parts of their personality active, everything changed for me. My loving part, my loving perspective, took over and my judgement, resentment, and pain melted.

As you think about your employee, what part of them do you see?

Love, Doug
Shelley P
Posted 8 years ago

Thank you Doug. I am trying to see her as a soul. I sometimes succeed, sometimes I get triggered and forget. But I like your suggestion to keep trying. With somewhat more success this last week or so. Thank you for the reminder!
Love,
Shelley
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