Today I have been remembering how I first learned about Gary in June 2008, when I attended a “Celebrate Your Life” event in Chicago. Without knowing anything at all about Gary I was attracted by the title of his presentation, “Courageous Living,” because I felt I had acted courageously at several crucial times in my life. I probably wanted to hear an affirmation about my own use of courage, a confirmation that I was indeed a courageous person, something which I now recognize as coming from a frightened part of my personality that felt superior. Yet at a deeper, intuitive level, I believe I knew that Gary’s presentation would require me to use my courage in new ways. At this deeper level, I was also thirsting for words that would touch my heart. And that’s what happened. Convinced by the truth value of what I had heard, I signed up for a day-long workshop at the end of the conference, and at this workshop I signed up for the Journey.

I remember clearly, as if it had just happened yesterday, how on the second day of this Journey spiritual partners at the dinner table supported me gently to begin realizing how frightened parts of my personality had been relying for years on stories that were designed to draw sympathy, and that through these stories my frightened parts were attempting to manipulate and control others. After dinner that evening, when I spoke in the group, Gary and Linda articulated this frightened part still more clearly for me. What a discovery! I had just started learning about myself in a way that I had never yet experienced… And it wasn’t altogether pleasant. My chest felt heavy and constricted as it does when I (frightened parts) desperately want to sob, and at that point I (frightened parts) no longer even knew why I was alive. For a while I went spiraling into frightened parts that made me feel as though I had been destroyed.

Although I have made significant changes in my life over the past years, I also recognize how much courage I still need to challenge deep-seated frightened parts of my personality that would like to indulge in not learning more about myself. As I see it, their intention is to keep me from challenging them in order to stop growing. There is a strong lazy frightened part of my personality that feels comfortable gliding along, as though I had reached the summit of my development. This lazy frightened part keeps me at the surface of my being, as it were, so I don’t go deeper into self-awareness and thus I find myself unable to articulate it clearly. In fact, this fp runs away from opportunities to learn because it would have to confront what seems like unbearable pain. It’s the same fp that actually refuses to develop a spiritual partnership with my spouse, because it knows such a partnership would require courage and becoming “real” in my interactions at home. I am now challenging this frightened part by beginning to express it here.

I would love to start a conversation by asking you what first drew you to cultivating authentic power and what you feel you might still need to challenge in order to continue your spiritual growth. I am calling out for support and would be most grateful to engage in a conversation that might also be of support to you.

With love,
Catherine