Eric,
I read your comment and understand that this is a very difficult time for you and that your past relationships were painful. I am sorry for your pain. My first thought was that you are very focused on the past and may be using that to create an inner conflict about wheither or not you should or should not be in a relationship. Today is a new day, you woke up and you are the person who you choose to be in this moment. It doesn’t matter what happened to you in the past. Every moment is a new opportunity to decide how you will react to another person. If the right person (or the wrong person) is put in your path then the outcome of that relationship is solely based on what choices you make today in this moment. If we practice what Linda and Gary are saying about always trying to make decisions from a place of love and spiritual integrity then the outcome will be positive. I am a firm believer in that the universe provides us with exactly what we need. I have gone through a lot of challenges in my life and I understand how difficult it can be to let go of the past. Forgiveness is never about forgiving those who we feel treated us badly, forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves. Anyway, those are my thoughts after reading your post. I hope you find some comfort.

Eric – I understand where you’re coming from. I’ve made bad choices in relationships and have paid for those bad choices by finding myself now at 56 alone and in a “dark hole.” I base too much emphasis on relationships, I know. Yet I’m afraid to have one for fear of repeating the past. Afraid, afraid, afraid. That’s overwhelming me. If I felt as though I had some sort of purpose, I think the fear would go away. But every day for months, I wake by myself and my first waking thought is, Another day without a purpose. I always had a purpose . . . taking care of husband, children, parents. Husbands are gone, parents are gone, children are grown and in their own lives. I sincerely want to throw in the towel too. I hate this emptiness. I study and think, spend a lot of time in nature. I volunteer. And every single morning, I start the same way. There is no love here. I don’t know what to do. Where is the universe??? Am I fighting against what the universe thinks I need? If the universe thinks I need to feel this emptiness and lack of purpose, I don’t think I can do it every single day. I hope you and others find what you need. Selfishlessly, I hope I do too.

Hi Eric,
I’ve been trying to use this forum more because each time I do, I have such great results. I read through your posts about being single for 7 years and I wanted to thank you because what you wrote really shined a light on the frightened parts I have about dating. I have been single for about 2 years and only been on a few dates. Until I read your post, I had a lot of reasons why I haven’t gotten into a relationship and now I see clearly that the “reasons” are really just frightened parts that I have labeled reasons. I think now it is time for me to name each of these and become acquainted with them and choose to act from a loving part of my personality when they arise again. And who knows what will happen next. Thanks again! Rhea

Hi Everyone — I haven’t been on the community board since early spring. Since then I have gotten divorced and your sharings here have really resonated with me, particularly since I have been focused on listening to my present thoughts and trying to feel what’s happening in my body when I interact with others — and particularly to anyone whom I am attracted to. I have also looked back at how I have dealt with relationships in the past and know that when socializing and getting to know others, I always had at least a couple of drinks in me to help cover my fear of intimacy. I now no longer drink and I also do not want to start again to use it as a crutch to hide from my fears. Eric, I also have had issues with rejection and have experienced much pain as a result. A couple of years ago, my pain over rejection was very strong. However, since my divorce, I feel like I have turned a corner and am now feeling more loving towards myself and others. I also feel more ready to enter into relationships so that I can learn from them and heal. Thanks, everyone, for sharing because it helps me to share and also to know that others are struggling with similar issues.